Help for abused and battered women

Why doesn’t she just leave? It’s the question many people ask when they learn
that a woman is being battered and abused.
But if you are in an abusive relationship, you
know that it’s not that simple. Ending an
important relationship is never easy. It’s
even harder when you’ve been isolated from your family and friends, psychologically
beaten down, financially controlled, and
physically threatened. If you’re trying to decide whether to stay or
leave, you may be feeling confused,
uncertain, frightened, and torn. One moment,
you may desperately want to get away, and
the next, you may want to hang on to the
relationship. Maybe you even blame yourself for the abuse or feel weak and embarrassed
because you’ve stuck around in spite of it.
Don’t be trapped by confusion, guilt, or self-
blame. The only thing that matters is your
safety. If you are being abused, remember: You are not to blame for being battered
or mistreated. You are not the cause of your partner’s
abusive behavior. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve a safe and happy life. Your children deserve a safe and happy
life. You are not alone. There are people
waiting to help. Making the decision to leave As you face the decision to either end the
abusive relationship or try to save it, keep
the following things in mind: If you’re hoping your abusive partner
will change... The abuse will probably happen again. Abusers have deep
emotional and psychological problems.
While change is not impossible, it isn’t
quick or easy. And change can only
happen once your abuser takes full
responsibility for his behavior, seeks professional treatment, and stops
blaming you, his unhappy childhood,
stress, work, his drinking, or his
temper. If you believe you can help your
abuser... It’s only natural that you want to help your partner. You may think
you’re the only one who understands
him or that it’s your responsibility to fix
his problems. But the truth is that by
staying and accepting repeated abuse,
you’re reinforcing and enabling the abusive behavior. Instead of helping
your abuser, you’re perpetuating the
problem. If your partner has promised to stop
the abuse... When facing consequences, abusers often plead for
another chance, beg for forgiveness,
and promise to change. They may even
mean what they say in the moment, but
their true goal is to stay in control and
keep you from leaving. But most of the time, they quickly return to their
abusive behavior once they’ve been
forgiven and they’re no longer worried
that you’ll leave. If your partner is in counseling or a
program for batterers... Even if your partner is in counseling, there is no
guarantee that he’ll change. Many
abusers who go through counseling
continue to be violent, abusive, and
controlling. If your partner has stopped
minimizing the problem or making excuses, that’s a good sign. But you
still need to make your decision based
on who he is now, not the man you
hope he will become. If you’re worried about what will
happen if you leave... You may be afraid of what your abusive partner will
do, where you’ll go, or how you’ll
support yourself or your children. But
don’t let fear of the unknown keep you
in a dangerous, unhealthy situation. Signs that your abuser is NOT
changing: He minimizes the abuse or denies
how serious it really was He continues to blame others for
his behavior He claims that you’re the one who
is abusive He pressures you to go to couple’s
counseling He tells you that you owe him
another chance You have to push him to stay in
treatment He says that he can’t change
unless you stay with him and
support him He tries to get sympathy from you,
your children, or your family and
friends He expects something from you in
exchange for getting help He pressures you to make
decisions about the relationship