My husband does'nt want me to sleep in his room

Dear Agatha, My marriage is just three months old. But the kind of problems we are already having is making me tired already. When my husband and I were dating we used to share his room and bed so I assumed after marriage we would share a room. But to my amazement, after a week, he told me to move my things into the next room. Even though the rooms have doors that link them together through the bathroom and toilet, I didn’t like the idea of sleeping on a separate bed from my husband at night. The more I tried to argue the point, the more determined he appeared to be. Since it was too early for us to be fighting over such a matter, I didn’t push it beyond registering my displeasures. Besides, I reasoned there is no way he would protest my sleeping in his room. But I reasoned wrongly as that night, he told me after making love to relocate to my room that he wanted his peace and space. He didn’t stop there; he told me it was a taboo for him to share his bed with a menstruating woman or a nursing mother. He also said by his upbringing, a serious minded man doesn’t allow a woman near him all the time. Finally, he told me that he would be the one coming to my room whenever he has the urge to make love. When I asked what would happen if I feel like making love, he didn’t give a reply. I thought he was joking but his attitude of the successive days showed he wasn’t. After I tried to force myself into his room once or twice, he took to locking his side of the two doors. He only opens the door when he felt like easing himself or taking his bath. It is so confusing. Another thing is the issue of joint account. He wants us to have a joint account. I don’t want it due to the experiences of my friends. He is equally adamant about it. I am honestly getting fed up with all these challenges. We dated for two years. I never knew he was this rigid and so traditional. We appear to be worlds apart. I don’t know what to do at all because the man I see daily in the house is a complete stranger who doesn’t have semblance to the one I dated and married. Toyin. Dear Toyin, Marriage is like a gift pack; you don’t know what is in it until the package is opened. The first attitude towards a successful marriage is to accept what you have been given. Without you looking for something positive to hold on to at this initial stage of marriage, you will end up making a complete mess of it all by focusing only on the challenges. Trials can come anytime but when they come early in a marriage, they empower the couple to develop the essential determination to fight for their love. Rather than see your husband as a difficult man, why not ask and investigate the kinds of doctrine he grew up with? Don’t forget our childhood experiences and examples provide us with the ideas we take into our adulthood. He cannot be better than what he was brought up with. If his parents or guardians shared separate rooms, that is what he is most likely to take as the norm. Therefore fighting him over what he has been brought up to think is the right example of how married couples live would only heat up the temperature of your home unnecessarily. This is because he would never be able to comprehend why you are fighting him or want things done in another way. So, drop the combative approach and show him love and understanding. To wean a person from long held notions require patience and love. If he has to embrace your new concept, the change must be clothed in attractive package to entice him to try it. To expect him to embrace your ideas instantly is wrong. Begin by using your room as a love nest. When he comes into your room, make it impossible for him to want to leave you after making love. Having dated and made love to him for two years, you must have an idea of how he wants it or the things he desires. Once you perceive him to be in the mood, go and prepare yourself and room. Go for the kill in a nightgown that will make it impossible for him to resist or leave your arms. Bath yourself in smooth body, nice smelling body lotion. Follow with a perfume that will make it impossible for him not to remember you whenever he sniffs it anywhere. Ensure he has enough on his clothes so when he goes back to his room; he takes part of you with him. In the morning, wear another kind of perfume that will stay with him throughout the day. Unknown to many, good perfumes stimulate sexual desires. It will etch you permanently into his subconscious sufficiently to make him dream of different kinds of fantasies about you. He has only said, he doesn’t want you both sharing a room, not that he doesn’t want you in his room. When you come before him, prepare yourself nicely for the taking. After giving him his meals, follow him to his room to discuss and share jokes with him. Ensure the issue of different bedrooms doesn’t affect your intimacy or friendship. During those times, ensure your nightgown is the kind that screams sexy-the kind he cannot resist. Use whatever you have as a woman to ensure nothing affects the intimacy between the two of you until he begins to see the futility in having two different rooms. Problem will come if you insist on being difficult or stubborn about it. As long as you play along with him, refusing to be defeated by his attitude, he would eventually come to see reasons with you. Don’t forget he is expecting you to be stubborn about this new thinking of his and is prepared too to have his way as the head of the house. But you disarm him by refusing to fight or complain about it. By allowing him have his way, you are telling him you are ready to make the marriage work at all cost. It is one of the essential sacrifices women make to keep their homes. As for the issue of joint account, there is no harm in trying. Put in only what you can afford. Don’t use the experiences of your friends to run your own. Have your own experience so that you can cite it in future as a reason for refusing to do a particular thing. Above all, develop the attitude of prayers and respect for him. Good luck. comments