My husband married me traditionally . None
of his family members was present at the
ceremony. When I questioned him about it,
he said, when the time comes , I would get
to know them.
When I gave birth, I still didn ’ t see any of
them ; that got me curious enough to ask if
he has a wife I should know of. It was then
he told me about his son.
Even though he denied being married to the
mother of his son; I discovered he lied
about that.
Please what should I do ?
Worried Woman .
Dear Worried Woman,
Why would you consent to such an
arrangement of him coming to meet with
your family without any member of his own
immediate family ? What kind of marriage
takes place between a man and a woman
without the presence of any member of his
family ?
So who were those that came with him to
your family if no member of his family was
with him ? The truth is , you are responsible
for whatever deceit this man played on you.
The fact that he didn ’ t come with any
member of his family should have told you
instantly that something wasn ’ t right; that
he had a different agenda and something to
hide about his person . Even if the whole
family was against his association with you;
at least one or two of them would still have
come with him .
That you allowed him get away with it,
deceived your family the way he did, shows
that you too were very desperate to get
married hence didn’ t mind whatever means
he deployed to make your wish a reality .
If you weren ’ t so in need of a marriage , he
wouldn ’ t have been able to get through with
his plans to marry you in such a deceitful
manner . No matter the consequence to your
pride , you would have prevented him from
paying your bride price when you
discovered his game plan .
Even though you may not agree with this,
something inside of you must have raised
the alarm that this man is married and
avoiding his wife finding out about you.
There and then you should have demanded
for answers at least before going on. Also,
why didn ’ t you insist immediately after the
traditional wedding to see his family, even if
it was only his mother or father? Why didn ’ t
you find out about his family and go to
introduce yourself having paid your bride
price? What prevented you from going ?
What woman in your shoes sits comfortably
for her husband to take her to his family ?
Weren’ t you even curious enough to know
why no member of his family came with
him by going out yourself to fetch the
truth?
You didn ’ t go because something in your
guts told you about the presence of a wife
somewhere .
To be frank , you are not married in the eyes
of his family members or the law because
all the people that came with him to ask for
your hand in marriage were hired hands .
That arrangement cannot stand up in court
because a traditional marriage is usually
between the two families.
What he did with you is simply a charade
since his family can confidently say you are
a stranger to them or at best his mistress if
they want to be charitable to you; so don’ t
put too much hope on that.
Since you have finally summoned the
courage to face the truth you have been
trying to deny since he came with strangers
to pay your bride price, the ideal thing is for
you to pull out of whatever commitment you
have to each other and face life with your
child alone .
This is because this man didn’ t come with
an honest agenda . Everything he has told
you has turned out to be a lie. If he can
hire people to come with him to pay your
bride price, there is nothing stopping him
from hiring the same crowd to pay for
another woman ’ s bride price.
This is the junction you get to and take a
firm stand. It may not be what you want but
do what you have to do in the interest of
your child and you.
Despite the wrong starting ; insist on him
introducing your child to his family to
insure the child in that family . Find ways of
making him bring the child into his family ;
this is important for the psychological well -
being of the child in the future .
As for you, end whatever you both have
going for you. He has a wife ; don ’ t allow
him drag you into whatever problem they
maybe having . If he doesn ’ t want the other
woman he should be bold enough to end
the marriage and not make mess of your
life.
As you may have found out from his
deceitful marriage to you, marriage is
sacred and must not be toyed with .
Whatever his problem is , let him go and
sort it out with his wife because marriage is
a forever journey. He had no right to involve
you in whatever his problem is with his
wife . He made his choice and should have
the guts to stick to the consequences of
that choice rather than go outside his home
for solutions to his problems .
This is because there is no relationship
between a man and woman without
challenges . Like he has with his wife , a
time would come too when he would also
have issues with you. How would you feel if
he goes behind you to marry another
woman ? Put yourself in his wife ’ s shoes.
No matter what your excuses are , who
would believe you never knew about the
other woman ? Who would you tell you
didn’ t go out of your way to attract and
marry another woman ’ s husband? In the
minds of people , you will always be the
woman who stole another woman ’ s
husband even though that wasn ’ t your
intentions.
It is a different thing if you planned to marry
a married man but being dragged into his
mess is something you can still reject
despite the charade you call a marriage .
Even though he may have his reasons for
doing what he did, only cowards and
insincere men do what he did.
Therefore , if introducing his child to his
family is the last thing he does for his
child ; insist he goes to his family with the
child to avoid future rejection by his
paternal family especially, if the woman at
home is vicious and manipulative .
It is this innocent child whose future you
must do everything to protect .
Also, insist he sets you up so that you can
have the means to stand on your own and
look after the child you both have .
Obviously, he has taken on some
responsibilities for you and your child . Let
him continue to do this but make it clear
you are now free from whatever sexual
obligations you have towards him .
Overtime, you will be free to pursue a
relationship that is truthful to you and him.
Refund whatever money he paid on you as
bride price to be free from the so called
marriage . Although it maybe painful , but
this relationship is premised on lies hence
isn ’ t worth pursuing . This man belongs to
another woman , not you.
No comments:
Post a Comment