9 steps to help you love your spouse again

I recall trying to help my children with their
algebra homework. The thing is, when I was in
school, I was a straight A student; National Honor
Society and all. But then, 20-something years
later, I struggled to give them the help they
needed. Because I didn't practice my math skills
after school, I forgot a lot of them. However,
working with them over and over again, a lot of it
came back to me. It just took a little work and a
little remembering to relearn it all.
They say the same thing happens with exercise.
Your muscles remember the most fit state they
were ever in and even if you lapse in your fitness
regime, once you begin again, your body relearns
how to be fit and takes much less time to do so
because it was once there.
I believe that love behaves the same way. We so
often hear of couples who "grow apart." They have
lost that knowledge and tone their marriage once
had. But what if it could be relearned like algebra
or fitness?
The work would be there ahead of you and it would
probably seem daunting. Still, step by step, you
could work together, doing the workouts and
homework to help yourselves remember where the
two of you started.
Here are some recommended steps in relearning to
love:
Remember
Spend time actually remembering your courtship
and early marriage. Get out a scrapbook or
and read it. Close your eyes and relive a
memorable date. What was it that made you
choose to love this person?
Forgive
If you have been wronged, . If you have
wronged, ask for forgiveness. Put the behind
you.
Give your communication a makeover
Get rid of phrases and thoughts such as, "I
married you, didn't I?" and "You know how I feel"
and questions like, "What were we thinking?" In
their place, add, "I love you because __ " and "I
married you because I couldn't imagine getting up
every day and not seeing your face or hearing you
speak," and "I know what I was thinking about how
anxious we were to start our life together, and I
never regret one moment of my decision."
Be honest without trying to be hurtful
If something specific is bothering you, talk it out
without harsh accusation. Use "I" statements. "I
feel unloved when you __" or "I would really be
happier if you wouldn't mind changing this one
thing: __."
Think only of your spouse
During times of marital stress, it is not uncommon
to begin to think about someone else. Stop those
thoughts in their tracks and think about your
spouse.
Never speak ill of your spouse to anyone else
You will attract dangerous attention by doing so
and exacerbate the problem in your own mind.
If you are confronted with flirtation,
let the party know that you are devoted to your
spouse and say something kind about them and
why you are with them.
Court your spouse
Go back to square one and do the things you did
to win them over in the first place. Give small gifts.
Make a special meal. Commit yourselves to a date
once a week, even if it's only doing the grocery
shopping together. Here are some ideas on
Self-examination
It is fairly normal to see how you've changed and
think that your spouse hasn't or vice versa. Look
at the changes you have both undergone, the
improvements you've made, and the trials you've
weathered together.
If you are in a marriage that feels like it is
crumbling around you, pick up a brick and put it
back into place. Do your homework. Exercise your
desire to keep it intact. You can relearn to love