My husband says I smell

I have a very embarrassing situation in my
home. I got married about six years ago
and for almost five and a half years , my
husband hasn ’ t slept with me.
Being indifferent to sex, I really didn ’ t notice
it at first. I only became bothered when it
persisted and my hunger to have my own
children became unquenchable and
embarrassing for me.
I had to cry out when his mother started
making big trouble for me. Although she ,
like my mother is one of those staunch born
again Christians who have never used
relaxers on their hair or worn ear- rings but
when it came to the issue of having a
grandchild , she threw the biblical teachings
of patience aside to issue an ultimatum to
me to produce a grandchild for her or leave
her son’ s house to enable another woman
who is capable of producing a child for her
son come in.
When the problems became too much as
well as the number of times I was forced to
go to the mountains to pray for the fruits of
the womb were becoming more than I could
tolerate, I had to open up to my mother that
there is no way I can get pregnant since my
husband stopped sharing my bed six
months into our marriage .
Even those few months he shared my bed;
it was as if he was in a great hurry to
leave . Once he was done, he would leave
the room , rush into the toilet to take his
bath and move into the living room to
sleep. Eventually he didn ’ t even bother to
sleep in our room. He simply moved to the
guest room and when we have visitors, he
would come into our room and sleep on the
floor . The only thing is that he eats my food
but talks to me only when necessary.
Honestly , if not for the child issue , I
wouldn ’ t have even asked him or told
anybody what the situation in my home
was .
My mother couldn’ t contain the information
so she went straight to my mother -in- law
to tell her what I told her .
Initially my mother -in- law said I was lying
but when she confronted her son with the
information; he didn’ t bother to deny it.
When asked why, he told our sets of
parents that I smell . He actually too a
match stick to scratch at the back of my
ears to prove his point . The flakes of dirt
that fell from the back of my ears so much
embarrassed me that I instantly began to
cry. He asked everybody , “ if she is this
dirty here , you can imagine her state where
it mattered the most . My father hissed ,
looked at my mother and said, like mother ;
like daughter .
To my pains when his father asked why he
didn’ t tell me; he said since I didn’ t
consider personal hygiene important , why
should he bother telling me ? That he did
what he thought was best by refusing to
share in my personal un- hygiene . Without
any feelings whatsoever, he said those few
times he attempted it , he vomited from the
stench . He also said , since I didn’ t bother
to ask why he was avoiding me, he also
didn’ t think it important to explain himself
to me.
To think my husband kept this from me
until I opened up beats my imagination.
How do I go about this problem?
Laide
Dear Laide ,
Since your husband has identified the
reason for his behavior , your challenge has
been made simple .
Forget the way he went about it; don ’ t
bother yourself with that because in more
ways than one, you are also very guilty of
not trying hard enough to protect your
home.
What were you looking at for this matter to
drag into five years ? Didn’ t it occur to you
that you could lose your home to another
woman or didn’ t it bother you one bit if that
happened ?
Honestly , the fact that you didn ’ t protest is
one cause for worry . Is it that you don ’ t
love your husband at all or assumed it was
normal for a man not to come close to his
wife for over five years ?
Beyond the issue of your dirt , is the need
for you and your husband to talk as frankly
as possible . How did he manage all those
years without sex?
No matter how principled a man is ,
temptation occurs from time to time . Being
Christians is no assurance that he lived
holy all these years . Sex to a full grown
normal adult, has no religion . When its
demands come on, it takes the grace of God
not to be tempted .
A man looking for an excuse to have an
affair has a ready- made one in your quality
of hygiene as well as with your ; I don ’ t care
attitude.
You both have to be very honest to
yourselves about this period to avoid any
unpleasant surprise in the future especially
for you.
The normal reactions to your kind of
challenge is either for the man to be mean
and announce his reason for avoiding the
company of his wife or stylishly inform the
wife of her problem with a view of helping
her overcome it.
That your husband did neither and appeared
so cold when discussing the issue with
your sets of parents is a clear signal that
you have a lot of work to be done in the
days ahead to re -engineer his interest in
you and the marriage .
It is also time for you to face reality . Don ’ t
assume he doesn ’ t have another woman
outside simply because you are both
Christians . It would not be out of place to
ask him in a very plain language if there is
already another woman outside and the
hope for your marriage .
One thing is for you to change ; another
thing is for the mess generated by these
five years to clear . Make it obvious you are
asking not to cause trouble but to help you
know how extensive your reformation
project would be and what you should
expect at the end of the journey . Also ask if
there are children outside your home whose
existence you should know of.
Both of you have to find the reasons you
got married in the myriad of problems
confronting your marriage and together
agree on the reasons you have to stay
together. This way , your marriage would
survive whatever comes out of this.
On the issue of your chronic dirt , it is as
simple as knowing how to bath well and
wash your under wears.
First and foremost , throw away all your
present underwears and invest on new
ones . Get a small bucket to soak your
pants in, overnight . Soak in detergent and
hot water before washing. This will get rid
of any unpleasant smell and accumulation
of dirt that comes from improper washing.
The surface of your pants must be soft after
drying ; that shows it has no cake of dirt on
it. When hard to the touch after drying ; it
shows you did a poor job of washing it.
Follow this by getting rid of your pubic hair
as well as the one under your arm pit . This
ensures no hair traps in any sweat bead or
secretion from your womanhood. Smell
from that are comes from improper handling
of the various secretions women contend
with every seasons of their lives.
Once trapped in the pubic hair , the woman
can ooze hence the need for you to first
clear the area clean of any hair . Also, after
your monthly flow, ensure you wash the
area with lime juice to remove any remnant
of odor caused by blood in the area .
Everyday, ensure you devote attention to
washing the area with sponge and soap .
Start from the front to the back. Ensure you
wash every fold thoroughly . Take your bath
twice a day and wipe yourself each time
you urinate to keep the area clean. The
belly button is another area that gathers
dirt . You must always wash the area each
time you bath. As a woman , lift your
breasts each time you take your bath and
wash under them to ensure no dirt finds
any hiding place there .
Also, behind and inside your ears must be
scrubbed each time you bath with sponge
to avoid dirt flakes finding home there just
as the space between your toes and fingers
must always be washed too .
From time to time , enlist the help of your
husband to wash your back thoroughly. As
a matter of fact , you can both turn this into
something very romantic to help both of
you mend fences again .
Apart from getting pregnant , there is the
need to ensure you create so many fun -
spots into your marriage to drive home
your need for each other .
Also, you must change your attitude to
fashion and life generally . Learn to use
deodorants and perfumes. Being Christians
doesn ’ t mean you should dress in
shapeless and drab clothes . The most
beautiful and wonderful things are from our
God so why should His children always
appear dirty and ugly ?
There is no reason you shouldn’ t be stylish
and beautiful . It is a must if you intend to
engage the interest of your husband at all
times.