I got married in October last year to a man
whose view of sex is completely different
from what I was taught by my mother .
Also this may sound strange in our modern
world, but my mother told me it isn ’ t right
for a woman to demand for sex at all.
Although I didn ’ t marry as a virgin but the
man I was to marry and who deflowered me
never made a big deal of being the one
always asking me for sex . We didn ’ t marry
because his mother said I was too prudish
for his kind of person ; that my outlook
would make her son marry another woman .
To prevent this from happening ; she told
him to get a woman who could equal him in
everything so he won ’ t have an excuse like
his father did for marrying another woman .
She was kind enough to explain to me and
beg for my forgiveness arguing that her
intentions were premised on my own
happiness. I didn’ t know how to fight that
hence we went our different ways .
Fortunately, I met my husband about three
months after that incident . Five months
after, we got married.
Since then , I always waited for him to make
the first move. If he doesn ’ t , I would never
ask even when I desired it.
For about eight weeks now , he hasn ’ t come
near me. I know he loves sex, the reason I
got worried enough to ask his best friend
who is also close to me if his friend was
having an affair .
It was through him I got to know that my
husband’ s grouse with me was ; he said he
would never ask me to have sex with him
because of my attitude to it. According to
this friend , my husband complained to him
that even when I ’ m in the mood , I always
wait for him to make the first move, an
attitude he is getting tired of. He said
staying off me was to force me to demand
for his presence . The truth is , I don ’ t know
how to because my mother told me that
only morally bankrupt women demand for
sex from their husbands .
It is difficult for me to change but I also
don’ t want to lose my home . What do I do
as I would feel cheap asking my husband to
have sex with me?
Confused Wife .
Dear Confused Wife ,
It is your right to demand for sex from your
husband any time you are in the mood for
it.
There is nothing cheap about a wife
demanding her rights from her husband. If
you don ’ t ask it of him, who will you go and
demand it from; another woman ’ s husband?
You are only short charging yourself
because customs and religion expect you to
remain faithful to your husband through
thick and thin.
While your husband can go outside his
marriage to release tension, you cannot
because of the moral repercussion that
follows a woman who engages in the act of
immorality .
If your mother’ s advice worked for her ,
don’ t expect it to work for you because
your father and your husband are two
different individuals. There is no way your
husband can ever accept the conditions
under which your mother fared with your
father.
Besides , you also have your life to live. It is
unfair for your mother to think that you
would escape with what she got away with
in her marriage .
In addition , times are changing. While men
of your mother’ s era regarded women who
demanded for sex from their husbands as
being morally improper , today’ s men have
come to realize that a woman feels the
same things they feel and that today’ s
women are not so frightened as women of
yester years were , in expressing their
desires .
So you see you and your mother are living
in very different worlds . To expect your
husband to act as if he is the only one
always on heat isn ’ t doing your marriage
any justice . He may not be complaining,
but your attitude robs him of the pleasure of
having his wife also crave for him.
Just like a woman desires her husband to
show her love and attention ; the average
man also desires the attention of his
woman too . He wants her to make him feel
wanted, special and loved too . Though men
don’ t express what they want like women
do, it doesn ’ t mean they are not desirous of
every attention their wives can shower on
them .
By refusing to make your demands of his
attention , you are unwittingly telling him
that you can live without him and that his
attention on you isn ’ t something you like .
Although this isn ’ t your intention at least
going by what you wrote but there is no
way he would know how you feel if you
continue to pretend that you don ’ t care if
he sleeps with you or not .
One of the reasons a man and woman get
married is to have sex as often as desired.
It is God’ s way of sanitizing the society of
moral issues that come with having
indiscriminate sex . Unlike what your mother
thinks , sex isn ’ t just a tool for procreation
purpose alone ; it is also meant to create
relaxation and a special bond between
couples .
It is a natural stress reliever which helps to
induce quality sleep after a hard day ’ s job.
There is no limiting the value of sex in a
marriage . It can be used by either party as
a tool of apology , healing and mending
broken hems in a marriage . It is also a
good tool of communication that enables
the couple tell each other certain things
words cannot describe .
So in denying your husband the knowledge
of knowing how you feel, you create not just
doubts in his mind but leave him very
confused about your interest in him as well
as his ability to stimulate the right response
from you.
You are lucky he isn ’ t in an affair ; only
giving you the chance to clear the
confusion he has in his heart about your
love and need of him .
You are also fortunate he told his friend
who in turn has given you what can best be
described as an ‘ expo ’ on what to do to
bring your husband back into your bed.
Honestly , this isn ’ t time for you to debate
or struggle with yourself on whether your
mother is right or wrong about what she
told you.
If she didn’ t want a man sleeping with you,
she shouldn ’ t have agreed to you getting
married.
Sex is one of the pillars that hold a
marriage together; a vital one at that .
If you are shy to say it directly to your
husband; go the way of most women by
acting it. There are several ways a woman
can communicate her need for sex to her
man without saying it. This is the secret
strength of women . When a woman wants a
man, there are several postures she can
adopt to make her message clear .
One way is to dress it. Go for a nightgown
cut to seduce even the most principled
man. Besides , your man doesn ’ t need to be
convinced; all he wants is for you to give
the sign and he is by your side .
Go for mood music to relax him and make
him all anxious to complete whatever you
have started . Finally go for a perfume that
would stimulate his mind to full action ; the
kind that would enhance your natural body
scent . Finally sit carelessly in front of him
and pretend your mind is too engaged in
whatever task you are doing to make you
remember to sit appropriately . If other
women outside use this to entice married
men into their web; there is nothing
stopping married women from using it to
get their men to notice them . This isn ’ t just
any man ; he is your husband, one that has
been given full authority by the law to view
your most essentials . By giving him a full
view of his most precious asset, there
would be nothing preventing him from
taking it.
Sex and desires require a lot imagination to
make them come alive.
Any woman or man who sits on the fence
and expects to get the best out of it is only
deceiving self . You cannot pretend not to
mind when deep inside you want all the
things that make you complete as a
woman .
It is also important you explain your actions
to your husband after you have captured
him back into your arms . Let him know why
you have been acting that way . It will help
clear whatever doubts or worry your actions
have generated in his mind.
Just as it takes two to fall in love ; it takes
two to make every aspect of marriage work .
Your marriage is what you make of it
especially as a woman .
Good luck.
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