THE PROBLEM WITH BEING TOO NICE

The Problem
with Being Too
Nice
by Michael Fertik

Leaders are placed under a tremendous
amount of pressure to be relatable,
human and … nice. Many yield to this
instinct, because it feels much easier to
be liked. Few people want to be the bad
guy. But leaders are also expected to
make the tough decisions that serve the
company or the team’s best interests.
Being too nice can be lazy, inefficient,
irresponsible, and harmful to
individuals and the organization.
I’ve seen this happen numerous times. A
few years ago, a senior staff member of
mine made the wrong hire. This can
happen to anyone, and the best way to
remedy the situation is to address it
quickly. Despite my urging to cut the tie,
this staff member kept trying to make it
work. While I laud the instinct to coach,
fast forward two months later, and we
were undergoing a rancorous – and
unnecessary – transition process. There’s
a key lesson here for any leader. Nice is
only good when it’s coupled with a
rational perspective and the ability to
make difficult choices.
Here are a few other other recognizable
scenarios where being nice isn’t doing
you – or anyone – any favors:
Turning to polite deception. You’ve
been in these brainstorming meetings –
everyone is trying to hack a particular
problem, and someone with power
raises a ridiculous idea. Instead of
people addressing it honestly, brows
furrow, heads nod like puppets on
strings, and noncommittal murmurs go
around. No one feels empowered to
gently suggest why that particular idea
won’t work. At my company, rejecting
polite deception is a big part of how we
do business. When something isn’t right,
we call each other out on it respectfully,
then and there, without delay. Why? It’s
not helpful to foster an everyone-gets-a-
trophy mentality; you have to earn the
honors to get the honors.
The long linger. Sometimes a hire just
won’t cut it in a certain role. It might
seem easier to keep an employee in
place rather than to resolve the
mismatch – but it actually is not. Resist
the temptation to prolong confrontation,
to see if things will get better. It is more
of a disservice to let someone flounder,
especially when it’s clear that he or she
just isn’t hitting the mark. Be kind and
communicate clearly, but don’t be nice .
Be surgical about it. Make the clean cut.
Help the person transition somewhere
he or she can succeed. Handling
employee issues immediately helps your
culture and productivity – over time,
you’ll attract employees with similar
values and convictions.
Don’t be a doormat. When you’re too
nice – to suppliers who can’t deliver on
time, to colleagues who don’t do their
work, to customers who refuse to pay –
you’re actually letting others take
advantage of you and your business.
When you’re overly generous with your
allowances for others, you create a
fertile atmosphere for contempt to
spread. Imagine the reactions of your
most talented, focused, and motivated
employees as they watch lackluster
coworkers get pass after pass. Anger and
resentment take root, morale plummets,
and turnover starts to go up, up, up.
Think of how loyal customers will react
if they see how easy it is for others to
take advantage of your services. Your
reputation will surely suffer. These
problems become more difficult to solve
as they pile up. You don’t need to be
severe to be respected, but you do need
to hold your organization to certain
standards — and you must be firm
about people meeting them. Setting
rules will help you when decisive action
is needed. No more delays, no
demurring, no debating.
Failing the introspection test. Are you
too nice to yourself? Introspection is a
powerful leadership tool, but we often
forget to use it. When you ask yourself
what behaviors hold you and your team
back, you can recalibrate your
leadership style for the better. When
you give employees the space to give
you the hard truths, without fear of
repercussion, you’ll get valuable
perspective and make a giant leap
forward in maturing as a leader.
Of course, this doesn’t mean managers
get a free pass to be disrespectful, cruel,
or a bully in the workplace. There’s a
world of difference between being an
effective leader with high expectations
and dealing with problem after problem
caused by milquetoast management.
Beware of confusing being nice – or
being liked – with being a good leader.