Three years after I
married, I ’ m yet to take in. The truth is , I
have no womb hence will never be able to
get pregnant . During my second year in the
university , I lost my womb due to
complications I developed during the
process of procuring an abortion.
I became sexually active when I was in JSS
1 and have had series of abortions . Back
then, my friends and I used a mixture of
potassium and blue powder with gin to
procure abortion. We did this many times
until we had the confidence to approach a
doctor through the help of the elder sister of
one of us .
When we entered into the university and one
of us died from abortion related
complications , this doctor warned us
against abortions ; he actually declined to
help us again hence , we switched doctors .
To be fair , before I developed the
complications that led to my losing my
womb , the new doctor warned that I was
walking on very dangerous grounds. He
told me my womb was too weak and that I
should avoid as much as possible ,
unprotected sex . But how can I when on
this day it happened , I had to do a quickie
with one of my lecturers in his office to earn
marks? I really thought I was safe . By the
time I discovered I was pregnant , I was
already in a good relationship with my
present husband so I had no choice but to
terminate it .
To hide the reason for my illness and
operation from him, I had to go home to
avoid his suspicions. None of my friends
told him where I stayed to protect me.
When I came back , I lied it was an
appendicitis operation I went for .
Now my secret is about to be exposed as
his mother is insisting I go to the family
doctor for examination to determine the
cause of my inability to get pregnant ,
especially as my husband has been given a
clean bill of health . She suspects the
medical reports I have been presenting to
the family are false. To cap it all , she said ,
she would accompany me to the hospital
when I go for the tests . I don ’ t know what
to do as I ’ m sure she would push me out of
the house and make her son marry the
woman she has always wanted him to
marry- the girl he grew up with , and dated
until he met me .
She has never hidden her dislike for and
suspicion about my past life . Please tell me
how to get out of this because, if my
husband also finds out the reason for our
childlessness, he will never forgive me. Do I
pretend I forgot the appointment on account
of office pressure on the day of our meeting
or insist my doctor is on top of my case?
Desperate wife
Dear desperate wife ,
Honestly , you are very callous. For how
long were you intending to keep this secret
from your husband? Don’ t you feel anything
inside of you when you both discuss the
issue of your childlessness ? Don’ t you feel
any remorse when he comes from one
medical examination or the other ? If his
mother didn’ t come up with this, be truthful;
were you ever going to tell this man your
womb has been removed as a result of
your moral bankruptcy while growing up ?
Can you imagine the emotional,
psychological and physical torture you have
put this man through in the three years you
have been married to him ?
Can you imagine what dies inside of him
each time he sees his friends who got
married when he did or after your wedding ,
with their own children? Do you know the
kind of things he has had to endure from
family , colleagues and friends whenever the
issue of children, are being discussed? The
fact that he agreed to go for medical
examinations is more than enough proof of
his desire to have children . Many men will
not do what he did; they always leave the
woman to prove her fertility . The fact too
that he gives you the freedom to select your
own doctor is manifestation of his love for
you. If you had a heart, at the point he
made the decision to subject himself to
medical examinations was the perfect time
to open up to him since you couldn ’ t tell
him before you got married. That itself is
too much of a reason for most men to
throw you out of their lives.
Only a woman without a heart can plan to
subject the man she swore to love till death
to such a sentence. The only crime this
man committed is his decision to love you
forever . You have no right whatsoever to
subject him to such a life without at least
confiding in him. To think your only
concern is how to keep concealing the truth
from him and not how to amend the havoc
you have created in his life, leaves me
hollow and extremely pained for your
husband.
Since you left him with no choice when you
made the decision to marry him without
telling him you will never be able to have
children on account of your not having a
womb anymore, you shouldn’ t be afraid to
face the consequences of your action at all .
Had you told him the truth from the
beginning; the marriage and its challenges
would have been a decision he made of his
own free will , and which he would have
defended accordingly . But since you
decided to play smart , don’ t in all sincerity
expect him to waste more of his precious
time nursing an injury he knows nothing
about. So , rather than blame his mother ,
blame yourself for the panorama that is
about to unfold in your home .
In your mother- in-law ’ s shoes, what would
you do ? You make it sound as if your
mother- in-law is the problem here. If for
three years , she didn’ t attempt to come
between you and your husband , and didn ’ t
try to stop the marriage in the first place ,
stop trying to pin whatever problem your
past decisions is going to bring to bear on
your marriage on this woman . Like every
mother who has a son who has been
married for as long as you and her son
have been , without a child to show for it,
she has every right to be worried .
To insist you use the family doctor is out of
concern for both of you. It is also to make
assurances doubly sure that all the medical
reports you have been given by your
doctors actually address the problem that
may be responsible for your inability to get
pregnant . It doesn ’ t mean she is witch
hunting you, or wants you out so her
favorite choice for her son, can come in.
You won ’ t be thinking this way if you didn’ t
have something as serious as a damaged
womb to hide . The best thing is not for you
to antagonize her or try to wriggle out of
the arrangement she has come up with ; to
do that would only make her very
suspicious of your reason for avoiding her
doctor. For a woman seemingly anxious
about her inability to have a child ; your
excuse would sound poor and completely
out of place . To insist your doctor is on top
of the matter is to make her more curious
as to the kind of relationship between you
and the doctor. If you are not careful , you
will be offering her the opportunity on a
platter of gold to query your faithfulness to
your husband who when he finds out about
your condition would come to the very
logical conclusions that you have been
having an affair with the doctor to
manufacture the fake results. By then, it
would be almost impossible for you to
salvage whatever chance your marriage has
of surviving the mess your past life has put
it. Furthermore, it could also compromise
the license of your doctor eventually.
The best thing for you at this point is to
come out with the truth . If your husband
can go against his mother’ s wishes to
marry you instead of the lady he has dated
for a long time, he loves you. Though that
is no guarantee that he will ever be able to
forgive you for keeping the state of your
womb a secret from him , you have to tell
him the truth now before it is too late .
To avoid any unpleasantness, let there be
someone strong enough to prevent him
from injuring you or himself . Frankly , don’ t
expect a marriage after you tell him the
truth because your conduct frees him of any
such considerations or obligations to you.
Even when he offers, insist he takes his
time to consider the implications of staying
with you since yours isn ’ t just the normal
case of infertility but that of a permanent
disability.
He would know how to present the matter
to his parents without you having to face
the shame of your past life becoming public
knowledge .
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