“Night soil” is a euphemism for human faeces
collected at night from cesspits. When some of
our aged fathers and grandfathers were kids, pit
latrine was the norm in the villages while
township toilets were constructed with septic
tanks that needed to be emptied weekly or forth
nightly. At that time there were no adequate
infrastructures like sewage treatment facility or
individual septic disposal. Moreover protective
gears like those worn by Ebola nurses were not
available so the Night soil men must have
suffered a few splashes of the filth on their
garment. Not to mention the stench but they did
their job with dedication. Someone had to do the
job and remember “there is dignity in labour”.
Femi Fani-Kayode
There is a huge similarity and a major difference
in the night soil job of that era and the one Femi
Fani-Kayode has chosen to do for President
Jonathan- a man he once described as “a
President without balls”. The major difference is
the fact that FFK’s brand of Night soil job is so
undignified. How do you launder the image of a
President that you have already announced to the
world, through the internet, that he “is the
problem” with your country. Femi actually said in
his Premium Times column that “Jonathan is the
problem we have in this country today and until
he resigns, is impeached or is voted out of power
nothing will change and Nigeria will continue to
go from bad to worse.” He then said “That is what
you get when you vote for a man who never wore
shoes to school”.
Isn’t it so hilarious that this arrogant, loud-
mouthed Femi (who says Governor Amaechi used
to own only one shirt) is now the errand boy of a
man who never wore shoes to school? It’s
beyond comprehension that this Silver spoon kid
who wrote that “Jonathan has deservedly earned
such accolades as “dumb”, “clueless”,
“incompetent”, “heartless”, “corrupt”, and “very
greedy” could condescend so low as to mop after
the same “incompetent shoeless dumbo”. Once
Jonathan poopoohs in the office, in media
briefings or on the campaign ground FFK is at his
beck and call, happy to pack the s…t, package it
and label it “designers” for the media to buy and
sell to the world.
I wish I never read that article where Femi said
that this President does not understand the
meaning of the word “class” and “honesty.” Also,
that “Jonathan prides himself on his own
weaknesses and incompetence” and that “his love
for false prophets and strange women knows no
bounds and no ends.” So our President is
addicted to prostitutes and juju prophets? But he
already has two wives and we know that Daddy
G.O of Redeemed, who says all politicians are
liars, is always praying for him on teevee. So why
is he then patronising false prophets and
prostitutes? Or was FFK so ferocious in his
attacks because the government of President
Jonathan had accused him of embezzling public
funds when he was a minister? He really fought
dirty as if there were no tomorrow didn’t he? No
he fought like a drowning man.
However, he succeeded in getting the President’s
attention hence a special invitation was extended
to him to visit Aso Rock where they eventually
talked things over, “kissed” and made up. Please
don’t ask me what happened to the
embezzlement case. All I know is that FFK is in
court with EFCC over an allegation that while in
office FFK carried out SEVERAL financial
transactions and dealings in cash in excess of
500,000 thousand Naira without going through
financial institutions contrary to the laws of the
land. The best FFK could have done after they
“kissed” and made up was take a bow, thank the
President and vow never to publish any more
callous articles about his dumb incompetence.
But, wait for it, Jona needed to make a point that
he may be dumb but the Fani Kayodes of this
world are dumber! He may not be Silver spoon
like Femi but he’s got what it takes to turn a
Silver spoon kid into a Night soil man….(Pause)…
“You see, Femi, you and I can be best of pals you
know. I am ready to give you an open cheque
once you can use your impeccable grammar to
prop me up. I mean, you know I don’t have balls
you have to lend me yours so that people could
stop calling me weak. And, of course, you need
the money to maintain your “class”, and high
taste in women. I remember you once said in a
newspaper interview that you are not faithful to
your wife. At least, you and I have a lot in
common. We need each other. Those prostitutes,
sorry, strange women wanna have fund you know.
So I am game, if you are.”… “Oh why not, Mr
President, your wish is my dream.” Jona got his
pound of flesh!
One of the issues I deal with on my radio shows
is the consequences of sexual sins. You need to
hear the confessions people make to me about
their sexual liaisons. The average politicians is
ready to kill and maim just to get into a position
with a budget, loot the treasury and sleep with
friend’s wives , nieces, inlaws and just any
teenager desperate for recharge card. Sexual sin
not only wounds your soul and deadens your
conscience; it also enthrones the spirit of error. It
is quite progressive. It leaves a big hole of
insatiability in you that’s why there is a
graduation from oral to anal with one woman
today, one man tomorrow, then a prostitute next
tomorrow. Then you continue to loot and loot and
loot the public treasury in spite of the
monumental youth unemployment, non-existent
quality or free education and no proper medical
care for the poor. Each illicit sexual encounter
keeps chipping off your virtue, your morality and
deadens your conscience. And would you like to
know what happens to somebody who has no
conscience? Just the same thing that happens in
the lives of our politicians that they could wake up
from month to month living in affluence while
teachers and civil servants go home with no
salaries, no food for their families, no peace and
no self-worth. Go to the villages and see how
people are shrinking out of hunger. They look like
refugees in their own homes and those in power
are still planning to use soldiers to rig the
elections, cause war and more suffering for them.
That was an aside. Back to FFK. On that glorious
day, FFK got into Aso Rock a Jona-basher and
came out head-over heels in love with Goodluck.
When money talks, bullshit walks. Those who say
money can’t make you happy have never shopped
at Harrods!... Believe me when I say… in my
country the so-called rich are more desperate for
cash than the poor. They are kleptomaniacs, so
insatiable and their conscience is completely
dead. I used to think it’s only the Ibos of Okija
shrine fame that can do anything for money…
Suddenly FFK is screaming his lungs out
desperate to convince us that Buhari is Boko
Haram and Boko Haram is Buhari. Has he
forgotten that he once wrote in his column that
“Jonathan regards Boko Haram as his “siblings”
and “freedom fighters” so “cannot hurt them”? In
fact he stated thus: “I really wonder whose
freedom Boko Haram is fighting for, whose
interest they seek to further and protect and what
blood ties exist between them and our President”.
In conclusion he said that Jonathan and co are
“shameful and insensitive leaders who have
absolutely no empathy with or sympathy for the
many victims of Boko Haram.” To have an
articulate Fani Kayode who put these arguments
in black and white turn around now to say
Jonathan must be voted into office for another
four years of “shameful , insensitive, clueless,
dumb, corrupt and incompetent”, leadership is
devilish and criminal to say the least. I have only
quoted Femi’s words. I dare not add my own
because he has said it all. The Bible says in
Ecclesiastes 8 verse 11 that “because sentence
against an evil work is not executed speedily the
heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do
evil”.
Nigeria is a country that destroys its own. The
best brains have no fighting chance to put their
talents to good use. See how Jonathan has
reduced a brilliant Silver spoon Femi into a
mercenary. He has turned Femi into a jaguda.
There is no difference any more between him and
a slum-bred Fayose who only knows how to
make a living out of thuggery.
When Reuben Abati, Chief Press Secretary to the
President, published a dossier on how Femi ran
the A viation ministry into a state of near
collapse Femi fired a ruthless response. He listed
how Jonathan cannot account for the 100 billion
USD made from oil sale in two years, how he
squandered 67 billion USD of our foreign reserves
and how he cannot account for 350 billion Naira
on security. Then he added: “This is how weak
governments that have nothing to offer and
something to hide always behave.” He accused
Abati of going on “a delusional and self-serving
joy ride … and distasteful form of intellectual and
psychological masturbation..” Today this same
Femi has taken over Abati’s “self-serving
delusional psychological and intellectual
masturbation” role as the President’s Night soil
man. Thank God I have a degree in English
otherwise I wouldn’t have understood all these
idiotic grammar that they use to lace over
corruption and criminality. Abati must be shaking
his head in utter disbelief and amazement. Never
knew this could happen in my life time that a
Femi Fani-Kayode could be part of this
President’s attack dogs seeking to out-do
everybody else.
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