Please help me. I don ’ t know what else to
do. I grew up in a Christian home and made
up my mind from an early age to avoid the
many temptations girls my age enter when
young.
Because of this decision, I was labeled anti-
social by many of my school and
classmates in both secondary school and
the university .
While my mates rollicked and frolicked with
different kinds of men , I kept my virginity
for my future husband .
I thought it would save me and my home
from the different social vices destroying
homes. After the euphoria of meeting me a
virgin worse off , my husband started to
complain about my inability to satisfy him in
bed.
From complaining about that he moved to
my inexperience when it comes to social
life. For instance , I don ’ t drink anything that
has alcohol in it; for him it is a problem
when we go out hence he has stopped
taking me out because he is tired of
explaining to his friends that I don’ t drink.
The result is my marriage of less than 18
months is headed for the rocks. I was lucky
to have gotten pregnant in the first few
weeks of our marriage . Since putting to bed
over six months ago, he has refused to
come near me. When I pointed his attention
to his neglect , he said , he doesn ’ t have the
time to be my teacher.
Funny enough, the marriage of one of my
school mates , notorious for her escapades
is doing very well . She and her husband are
always seen together. When I called her to
complain of what I ’ m going through , she
laughed and told me that her husband
cannot do with her because of what he is
getting from her . She said she acquired
enough experiences as a single lady to
keep her man tied to her side forever.
I ’ m writing to you because of the
information I have that my husband has
gone back to his ex , one of the bad girls in
our school in those days . For the first time ,
he beat me up and dared me to do my
worst. He said , she was more of a woman
than I would ever be .
The sad thing is , I don’ t even know how to
handle this.
I love my husband and don ’ t want to lose
him to any woman .
Please help me with useful tips on how to
make him want me because I can ’ t discuss
it with my mother who will only add to my
problems by calling me different names and
proceed to give me lectures on why a
woman must never hunger after sex . She
simply won ’ t understand my reasons . I
cannot also go to my friends because they
will only laugh at me. Why do good girls
have all the problems in their marriages
while the notorious bad ones have all the
good luck ? It isn ’ t fair because I worked
hard to keep myself for my husband.
Jummy.
Dear Jummy ,
Life has never been known to be fair on
anyone . It is a journey of struggles, choices
and good luck .
Those girls you tag as being notorious and
bad are also not without a vision for their
lives. Many of them learnt vital lessons from
their wild days. Good girls, too can be very
happy in their homes once they accept one
vital fact ; a woman ’ s place in her
husband’ s house is to make him happy
both inside and outside the bedroom.
Virginity is a precious gift to any man but
the woman , once she gets married must be
ready to learn and accept that sex is useful
to the sustainability of any marriage . Often
than not, the problem comes when the
woman wants to continue to live as if sex is
a just a necessity to an end and not a tool
of enhancement and satisfaction in a
marriage .
Truthfully , it isn ’ t the virginity that is the
problem but the attitude that the particular
woman brings into her marriage . If she is
coming with the attitude that the man has
to thank her for giving him something so
precious and sex for her should be treated
with a kind of sacredness, then she risks
running into trouble but , if after giving up
her virginity to her husband, she signals her
readiness to explore all the excitements that
accomplish sex in marriage , she opens
herself to be taught by her husband.
Once a woman is married , there is no more
mystery to sex. She must fully embrace it,
take it and also give it , to enable her and
her husband come to full appreciation for
this special gift.
But by continuing to live as if a virgin after
the wedding night , can really be boring for
a man who is used to sex or has the mind
of an explorer .
The mind of a man is excited by the things
he sees. Being in love has never stopped a
man from being tempted . It becomes very
difficult for the man to be sensible if he
isn ’ t get quality sex at home. For some
men it can be very frustrating . Since your
husband has told what the issue is in your
marriage , then you have something to work
on.
You may have married as a virgin but I ’ m
sure your days in the university left you
with some sense of fashion and a
broadness of mind .
By now you should be able to tell with pin
point accuracy how your husband wants
you to act in bed. If you don ’ t know by
now , then you have a lot of work ahead of
you. It means you haven ’ t done anything at
all to ameliorate and diffuse the sexual
tension brewing in your home; the reason
your husband has found solace in the arms
of another woman .
There are so many ways to win back a
promiscuous husband . One of such ways is
to take a look at your rival with a view of
knowing the advantage she has over you.
Since your husband has already strayed, it
will take more than sex to bring him back .
You have to first engage his interest in you
as a woman before you can show him your
new found confidence in the bedroom .
This means dressing to please him . You
have to deploy every method you know as
a woman to attract his interest in you. The
essence of this is quite simple ; once he
senses a shift in your dress sense to
something more attractive and sexy, he
becomes not just interested but frightened
that another man may find you beautiful
enough to approach you for a relationship .
To forestall that , he would begin to pay you
attention all over again . Once this happens ,
ensure you utilize your license as his wife
to trap him forever by cooking his favorite
food; something you should get from your
mother- in-law . Tell her you want to
impress her son hence needs her help in
teaching you how to make his favorite. For
the first time , buy the ingredients and take
them to her while you watch how she
makes it.
Follow this up by reading books on how to
achieve the sex of your dreams. Sex is as
natural as the air we take in. it is a matter
of allowing your natural instincts take over.
Don’ t debate anything; just move with the
tide inside of you. Forget about the
boundaries you once erected; they are no
longer necessary; scale that invisible wall to
the other side and see what life has to offer.
Most of the time , we are the stumbling
blocks to our breakthroughs in life.
There is nothing your husband is looking
for in another woman that you don ’ t have. It
is just that you are yet to discover your
strength as a woman .
Men like your husband can only help you
only after you have done your bit. It is only
then you can keep your husband to
yourself . There is no teacher like
experience.
Also learn to pray for the peace of your
home.
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