My wife is a lesbian

I have been married to a woman I thought I
deeply loved .
I ’ m a graduate with a master degree in
business administration and self employed .
We have a very beautiful home and two
cars . We are also blessed with three boys
and whenever resources permit, we travel
overseas for holidays .
I have suddenly discovered that my wife
doesn ’ t listen to my advice or take me
serious. She is never at home and I have
become the most lonely married man . She
prefers to hang out with her friends and if
possible, remain with them at the slightest
opportunity . I have tried to stop this but to
no avail.
I have become both father and mother to
our children; taking them to school and
church . She only comes to church when
she makes a new dress.
To be frank no member of my family has
any affinity with her . None of them comes
for visit because of my wife ’ s attitude . I
have protested , even sending her friends
out of the house but nothing has changed .
She owes a boutique where all manner of
people come to. I sent her to the university
but she came back without a certificate to
show for it.
I recently met with a pastor who told me
that my wife was into lesbian relationships
and would need divine intervention to come
out of. When I spoke with her about it she
admitted being into it when she was in
secondary school and that she has
stopped.
I ’ m worried because all her friends appear
to be her lovers .
I don’ t have peace of mind any more .
Recently one of her brothers told me his
sister has always been a lesbian and that
one friend she said she would visit during
her planned visit to the United States is one
of her lovers .
I ’ m fed up . We are Catholics and divorce is
forbidden .
In this circumstance , what do I do? I get
easily irritated by her and want to keep my
distance. I don ’ t trust her one bit.
Please give me your sincere advice.
Worried Husband .
Dear Worried Husband ,
One of the greatest challenges facing
modern marriages is the issue of
homosexuality , painfully being helped by
the permissiveness of the Western world.
Our penchant here to wholesomely copy
western values without questions isn ’ t also
helping matters especially as they relate to
our traditional value system . Agonizingly,
the marriage institution is the one suffering
the most .
Situation as you have described , takes
absolute caution and wisdom to overcome .
Your solution is in the strength of your love
for your family. If you peg it only on what
you currently feels for your wife , you will
never have that extra determination to make
it work at all cost .
You have to extend your solutions to the
welfare and feelings of your sons who from
the age of your marriage still need the
presence of their mother. Also , you have to
consider the psychological complications on
your children should your marriage break
up at a time you are clearly ill - equipped
emotionally to fathom why she is the way
she is .
This is what you should market to her . You
have to have very strong shock absorbers
to wrestle your home from the abyss it is
headed to .
This is the time in your marriage when you
have to face the truth about certain signs
you ignored in the past , accept your faults
in the prevailing situation in your home with
a view of sourcing for solutions around her
habit.
If her family member confirmed her
membership of the homosexual club ; then
she didn ’ t develop the habit in your house .
This means the problem has always been in
your relationship but you just didn’ t know
because you either were naïve in detecting
the signs or ignored them because you
thought whatever the budding challenge
was then , you could deal with it.
The truth is , a problem such as the one you
described usually presents itself very early
in the life of a relationship. You should have
known or seen some of the signs when you
were dating.
Back then , who were her closest friends;
how did she and these friends conduct
themselves? If truly she has been a lesbian
from school , then her lovers would still be
around her. Who among these friends has
been in her life since you married her and
who appears to be jealous of you; who for
no explicable reasons , simply doesn ’ t agree
with you in everything and who despite her
hostility to you, has remained firm in her
life?
If she has a friend like that; one who
appears so close to her ; one whose reason
for their being friendship, you cannot define,
you might need to call that friend for
discussion. This isn ’ t time for you to be
expressive about your dislike for these
kinds of friends; rather, it is the time to play
your wisdom card by appearing to be
solicitous and needing of their help .
Although they are women , don ’ t forget they
are your rivals for the heart of the woman
who is your wife and the mother of your
children.
The fact that you are worried about her,
concerned about the company she keeps
tells a story of a man who despite
everything, is still in love with his wife .
Deny it all you like but the truth is , you do .
So , in seeking audience with this woman ,
be careful you don’ t hurt her with your
attitude of condemnation because she has
the power to make things more difficult
between you and your wife .
By deliberately engaging her company when
they know she should be at home with you
and her children , is to inform you of the
hold they have over her . This is in reaction
to your hostility towards them . It was a
very big error because women lovers can
be very vicious and domineering when it
comes to protecting their territory .
By offering her main woman ; the olive
branch , you open the path for negotiation
between you and them . But first , you have
to know if your wife is the male or female in
their relationship . This would inform the
kinds of things to say to this friend of hers.
If she is the female, be prepared to for
some scratches and visible claws .
But she would eventually thaw enough to
listen to you and listen to what your offers
are. You may have to promise her some
monetary settlement to water down her
influence over your wife . If she is still
single ; it means she is a chronic lesbian in
which case, you may have to part with
some hefty money to relocate her and a
combination of threats and pleas to let your
woman be .
If she is the male ; it is going to be a battle
of egoism and the traditional male desire to
stamp authority of ownership . This means ,
money won ’ t work with her because to be
the male , she must have the means to
sustain such relationship. You therefore
have to rely so much on your skill as a
business administrator to negotiate the
freedom of your wife and home from her .
In all , you must find ways of getting close to
your wife again . If possible , devote more
time to her; going to be with her in the
shop; taking her out on impromptu outings ,
becoming more loving ; finding out new
ways she wants to be loved ; this means
giving her the freedom to explore in the
bedroom and organizing family outings to
show her the other side of life.
It is also a period for both of you to sit
down and discuss your early lives before
you met ; sometimes, habits like this
develop when the adults in our lives
become so unreasonable and hostile .
Usually it is to escape notice from
overbearing adults that habits like this
evolve. By taking her to her past ; that is if
you can find the pleasantness of mind to
overcome your current irritations at her way
of life , you maybe able to help wean of this
habit.
At times, it is a very simple matter of
making them see reason as well as the
quality of love waiting for them when they
come out of their mindless quest to destroy
themselves.
This is the time to also enlist your children ;
let them suffocate her with their presence ,
ask her questions like why she is not
always around them like the mothers of
their friends, why she appears to prefer the
company of her friends to them and how
she would be all alone when all these
friends leave her one day ; will help her
begin to consider issues she never thought
were important . Hearing you confess your
love and her children reminding her of the
most important things in life , will eventually
make her see reasons . Just learn to be
patient and tolerant .
If you know there is nothing God cannot do,
stand in gap for your woman . Pray for her
deliverance so you can enjoy your
marriage .
Also acknowledge that the fault may also
have come from you during the years you
were trying to build your business .
Good luck.