I recently got
married. And my husband is already
complaining about my sexual performance
he says I don’ t get wet . I don ’ t know what
to do. Please help me as I ’ m disturbed .
Chinyere .
Dear Chinyere ,
Sex is strategic to the survival of a
marriage . Without quality sex , the man has
every excuse to become unfaithful.
If your husband is complaining, then ask for
his help with whatever limitations you have .
If he is saying you are not getting wet
enough for him to have easy access into
your body, then he has every reason to
complain because in the process of forcing
himself in, both of you would get bruised .
When a woman is not lubricated enough it
makes sex appear like rape for the couple .
If you aren’ t getting wet enough , it also
means you aren’ t enjoying sex as you
should. It is as much his right and yours
too to enjoy this God given package to
couples .
So the business of getting you wet must
also be important to you because it is your
right as a married woman to benefit from
the experience .
This is why it is important for a woman to
be wet before welcoming her husband into
her body.
Naturally , the woman ’ s body is designed to
produce her lubrications if properly
stimulated but not every woman has it in
her to produce the quality of fluid to
accommodate her husband effortlessly .
So many factors conspire to make a woman
unable to produce enough fluid to appease
her husband. First, which is often the major
challenge women in Africa has , is
circumcision. A woman who has been
circumcised will never be able to
completely enjoy sex because the sensitive
part of her woman - head has been chopped
off . This kind of woman requires extra
effort , understanding , patience and help
from her man to prime .
If you have been circumcised , then you
must explain your situation to your husband
so he knows what your circumstantial
situation is . Although he should know by
looking at your anatomy; but not all men
bother to study the bodies of their wives.
If your husband is the kind that isn ’ t
interested in looking at every part of your
body; just concerned about his mission , let
him know. If you too don ’ t know, ask your
mother if you were circumcised ; that is , if
you are too shy to explore and study your
body.
This way , he will know what to do and how
to offer you his assistance to make you
perform better .
Again, not all men have the understanding
and tolerance to make it work well for the
woman whose clitoris has been chopped off
by the circumcisers.
He should have the patience to help bring
her close through his hands and tongue to
her peak before going into her . There is no
woman who cannot give pleasure if she has
a willingly , tolerant and adventurous man as
her partner.
This you have to explain to your husband.
One thing is for him to expect exceptional
performance from you; another thing is for
him to assist you in the quest of giving you
both satisfaction.
Fortunately, God wired our sexual pangs the
way all basic human functions were
structured by him- primeval Nobody sits
anybody down to teach sex ; what we can
only learn are the various techniques that
can enhance our performances .
Encourage your husband and you to flow
along with your natural instincts . Doing this
will make it easier to add your own
initiatives. By not depending on your
husband alone to do all the work , you open
the doors for both of you to explore your
natural predispositions and find a common
ground to navigate a special path to a
foundation that binds every couple need to
stay connected .
Sometimes too , it has to do with the kind of
background one was given as a child . If
your parents hammed into you that sex is
dirty and should not be enjoyed ; there is no
way it will not affect your attitude . If this is
the kind of background you had; you must
perish such inhibitions because you are
now married and able to enjoy sex to the
fullest . The man in question is your
husband so you are not breaking any rule
by throwing caution to the wind. The naked
truth is , if don’ t grow out of whatever
prudish lessons you were given as a child
on sex; you will never see sex as a tool of
adventure in marriage . Beyond its
procreation purpose it is also recreation .
Once your husband gets tired of
complaining, he might want to try
something different outside the home. And
if his exploration gives him satisfaction, you
will be the one to suffer from the
consequences . This is why you must never
give another woman the chance to better
you in anything that has to do with your
home and husband.
Even if you don’ t like sex because of what
they told you about it, you should make the
effort to enjoy it for the sake of your
husband and marriage .
Because of this, make the effort to give your
body a good study to make it easy for you
to discover where your erotic zones are.
Once you know , you will know where to
place the hands of your husband to make
the moment suitable for both of you.
No two women are the same . While some
have their erotic zones wired to their
nipples others have it in other places of
their bodies .
Without you knowing where yours are; how
can you help your husband make you
happy ? Like the whole relationship and
marriage thing; sex is a symbiotic thing ;
one that requires the man and woman to
bring together their knowledge and efforts
to make it whole.
You cannot leave all the work to your
husband just as he cannot leave all the
responsibility for his enjoyment to you.
That you are not getting wet means he is
also not doing his part very well . Both of
you just have to sit and dialogue about it .
This isn ’ t time for you to be afraid of
talking ; to sit back and accept all the
responsibility will make it difficult for both
of you to really bond and find the way
forward together. He has to help you come
to your full self as a woman . You also have
to find a way of making him come into his
full enjoyment as a man.
Another thing is for you to relax . There is
never any need for you to be anxious when
it comes to intimacy with your man . When
a woman is relaxed and has her mind on
the business at hand, there is no height she
and her husband cannot achieve .
Also reading well -structured books on sex
can also be of great help . Such books are
inspired to help couples become happier in
the bedroom .
In addition the position the couple adopt
when making love can either help increase
the urge , keep it down or completely
destroy the mood . By urging your husband
to experiment with different positions, it will
increase your excitement .
One mistake a lot of women make is
pretending they are happy with whatever
posture or attitude of their husbands in bed.
In your case, it could be a minor matter of
him adopting a different approach that will
fire your desire . Sex is not just about the
couple sleeping together and parting ; it
takes more than the act to make it work
well for both parties.
The thing is for you not to be limited by
your fears ; this is the point you begin to
define your marriage and your needs too in
the marriage ; one, you must make your
husband realize that you both have roles to
play in the sustenance of this union .
Don’ t be afraid to flaunt your sexuality to
your husband because if you don ’ t do it,
one of the many unscrupulous women
outside shall . That will signal the beginning
of problems in your home.
By subtly learning from and teaching your
husband the thrills of sex ; you would be
stabilizing your home and giving yourself
the peace of mind to build your marriage .
For now until you are able to get it right,
you could use Vaseline or gels designed to
help the body of the woman stay moist for
her husband.
But remember, it isn ’ t something you can
use often because the fun of being together
is the surprise factor . Sex should be able to
happen anywhere if the couple is gamed
which is why you must work at finding your
footing .
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