I have a very serious problem which has started
affecting me psychologically and even my
performance at my job.
I have tried to work things out with my wife but it
has not yielded any positive result as I am not
convinced about the situation. I feel too ashamed
to discuss the problem with my pastor and even
worse with my mother because I know that will
only escalate things. Trust me, I know my mother
and mothers generally. As for my friends, I am
afraid they might turn around to use it against us
and make me the butt of their jokes
My problem started last December, over the festive
period to be precise. I caught my wife on our
matrimonial bed having sex with a vibrator. I
almost collapsed because I was shocked beyond
what words can describe. I found myself shaking
from head to toe, unable to even say anything. I
felt so disgusted and sick that I had to rush to the
bathroom to splash water over my face to avoid
vomiting.
She must have been so engrossed in what she
was doing that she did not even know when I
entered our apartment and walked into the room to
find her in that position. It was my movement that
brought her back to reality.
What I found most disturbing at that moment was
why she could not wait for me if she was so in
need of sex, since I’d called her earlier on that I
was on my way home. And though she got up
immediately and started pleading with me that it
was the devil, I did not bring myself to talk to her
until very early in the morning of the next day.
She told me a friend in her office had given it to
her to try out and it was her first time of using it.
And that she would have told me about it but
wanted to try it out first. She mentioned
somebody’s name which she said I have never
met and pleaded that she would return it and never
use it again. She managed to convince me that it
was an innocent one-off-thing which I did not
need to bother myself about and I accepted.
But it was difficult for me to forget as I kept seeing
the picture of her in that position in my head and
wondering if it was right for a married, Christian
woman to be doing such a thing. To me, it is
something made by the Satan for his children.
Later that week, she told me she had returned it
and things went back to normal between us but I
was surprised to find the instrument again in her
underwear drawer by accident. She was not at
home, so I took it out and laid it on her side of the
bed. As soon as she saw it, she went on her knees
again and began to beg me.
She said she did not know how to return the thing
since it was a gift and would not want to upset her
colleague at the office, nor embarrass herself. She
insisted she was not using it and was also
scouting for whom she too can give it to.
Since I did not catch her using it, I had no choice
but to let it go. However, I was not comfortable
and began suspecting her. I later hatched a plan
to catch her and before long, it worked. What I saw
that evening was worse than the previous one and
still haunts me till today.
I’d never seen my wife look that way before even
when we are doing it. I was transfixed that I had to
hide quietly behind the door way to allow her
finish before I opened the door. Immediately my
wife went on her knees, begging that it was the
devil again.
I refused to talk to her and walked out of the
apartment. I just walked round and round the
neighbourhood because I felt lost and didn’t know
where to go or who to talk to. I felt thoroughly
betrayed. I had never looked at another woman in
my life, before and even after I met her. I’d never
looked at porn magazines or movie, not to talk of
having a girlfriend, and worse still, owning a sex
toy.
I could only manage to keep my anger for two
days as she kept crying and asking for
forgiveness, promising never to use it again. I
could not bear to see her that way too, so, I
insisted she had to tell me the truth.
She then told me that since the matter was no
longer a secret, it was better she confessed
everything to me. She said the vibrator was hers
and she had been using it even before she became
a born again Christian, as she was introduced to it
while in Secondary school. (A girls only school) I
don’t understand the logic, but she said it was a
way to show that they did not need male
company? Were they Lesbians?
She insisted they were not. When she became
“born again” in the university, she stopped, she
said. This was where we met and started first as
friends, then I got the message that she was my
wife and we eventually got married two years after
our service year. She said she was forced to go
and buy another vibrator after a discussion with
some ladies in her office about how much they
enjoyed their sex life and she missed the fun she
used to have. She also told me that she does not
get satisfaction from what we do together but did
not want to hurt my feelings by telling me and
begged me to allow her to continue using the thing
and that it will not affect what we have together,
after all, I never would have guessed it, if I had not
caught her using it.
My problem now is that, though I have not caught
her again in almost two months, I am still not
happy because I know she is doing it and its
disgusting to me. Though she says it will not affect
us, it is already affecting me because anytime I
want to have sex with her, that picture comes to
my mind and spoils my mood. I will have to just
force myself because I have nowhere else to
relieve myself.
My work schedule is very tight as I work in the
bank and have to leave home very early in the
morning and most times, don’t return home until
around 10pm or even later. I am also taking some
professional courses, so, that also takes away
most of my weekends. But my wife is a teacher, so
she has more than enough time on her hands to
do all she wants before I return.
Before you ask what I have done to make our love
life better, I have tried to do everything she tells
me, and though she says she is now enjoying it, I
am not convinced. I do not see that look on her
face. And it is making me feel inadequate as a
husband. We have been married for three years
and we are yet to conceive a child and I
sometimes wonder if this is her priority. I know
what I am facing with my mother and family on
that issue alone, not to now add this one to it.
Have I not bitten more than I can chew with this
girl? My wife is unfaithful to me and I am
powerless to do anything about it.
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