Advice from a dying father

Tom Attwater has a terminal brain tumour
and a short deadline. He is leaving his stepdaughter Kelli a
poignant legacy of fatherly advice he won’t
be around to give – and is vowing to raise
£500,000 to save her from cancer. After surviving the disease twice, Kelli, five,
may need pioneering treatment in the US
because she is likely to relapse. Thanks in part to generous Mirror readers , who raised £40,000 when we told his story in December, Kelli’s appeal stands at £210,000 – that’s 42% of the target. Businessman Tom, 31, who lives with
fiancee Joely, 26, in Sutton Coldfield, West
Midlands, says: “My tumour is growing and I
don’t have any chances left, but there’s still
so much to do for Kelli’s appeal.” As part of his drive to help her, Tom is
sharing his heartfelt words of guidance... Darling Kelli I’m so sorry I will not get to see you grow up
as I so want to. Please don’t blame people
or the world for this. A lot of life is simply luck
and mine is running out. I wish I had the words to make you feel
better. I wish I didn’t have cancer and you
didn’t have to see me in pain as you often do
now. I wish so many things were different
but they are not. Most dads and daughters have decades to
chat around the kitchen table, their hands
warmed by mugs of coffee, as the dad
dishes out advice and their girls no doubt roll
their eyes. We don’t have that time. I won’t
be able to drop you off on your first day at big school, pick you up after your first date,
hold you when your heart hurts or cheer
when you graduate. But while your old dad is still around I
thought I’d try to give you some life advice in
one go. I hope it gives you some comfort. I
hope cancer never returns so that your life is
long, fulfilled and happy. School Everyone will say it’s vital to work hard at school. Hopefully you’ll always do
your best. I did well at school but did it do
me much good in life? Not really. School
work IS important, but make sure you have
fun too. Boys At the moment you don’t make much distinction between girls and boys and see all children as friends. That’s typical of your sweet nature. But Kel, that will change as you get older. You might see them as stinky, pesky classmates in a few years’ time. But, probably at secondary school, you’ll realise they can be quite nice. You’ll have boyfriends when you’re older –
MUCH older hopefully! – and I won’t be here
to grill them about their intentions. So here’s
some advice from your old man. It’s very
hard to describe how it feels to really be in
love. You might remember seeing me and your mum laughing together and cuddling on
the sofa, and once the love hearts and
flowers fade that’s what real love looks like.
Have fun finding it. Always choose boys with gentlemanly values, manners and respect. Imagine them having tea and a chat with our family around our table and if you think they’ll fit in, you have found a decent young man. Sadly, you will have your heart broken one day. It hurts like hell and will feel like the end of the world. But you will get over it. And even if a romance doesn’t work out, try to be kind. Boys have feelings too. Lastly, if you have a special boy pal who is always there for you when boyfriends come and go, don’t take him for granted. Don’t overlook him. He might really care for you. Marriage I often dreamt about your wedding day and imagined filling up with tears as I
walked you down the aisle before giving you
away. I won’t be able to do that Kelli. Sorry
sweetheart. But I will be looking over your
shoulder on that day, proud and happy you
have found a special someone to love you and care for you. I wonder if you will play what you call “the
family song” (which is really I’ll Be There by
The Jackson 5). It meant so much to me and
my brother and sister growing up, and I
know it does to you too. I’ll be there on your
wedding day in spirit. Mummy You and your mum will argue at times, especially when you’re a teenager.
Please remember she adores you and wants
the best for you. Give Mummy a hug when
she is feeling sad and help each other get
through any horrible times when I am gone.
When you’re a teenager you might think your friends are right and your mum is
wrong. But she has to make hard decisions
for you and, more than any friend you’ll ever
have, has your interests at heart. Treat her
well. Family Nothing is more important than family and the values they give us. Nothing. Friends Treat people as they treat you. Be nice to anyone who helps you, always.
Bullying is horrible – never become one. Christmas & birthdays On your first Christmas without me, I’d love if you and
Mummy would light a candle and remember
me for a few minutes. It would be great if
you two did the monkey dance together.
Jumping around shaking our bottoms always
made us laugh. That’s something to make me smile from up above. I’d also love if you
visit my parents on Boxing Day. They will be
hurting too. I’ve given Nanny Sue presents for all your
birthdays. I wish I could be there to see you
open them. Hopefully you will like everything
as it’s hard to imagine you at 10, 15, 20. I
wonder if you’ll still like One Direction. I
wonder if they’ll still make you dance around the living room. Career You were two when you told me you wanted to be a “princess astronaut” so you
could wear nice dresses and find new
planets. You might now realise that’s not
possible. But so many things ARE possible
for you, darling. Do what makes you happy
and that you enjoy. If you do so, life suddenly becomes much, much easier. You may need to start a few different
careers to find the one you enjoy, but so be
it. One life, one chance. Manners Always remember your please and thank-yous. The reason Mummy and I drum
manners into you is because they will help
you throughout your life. Always be
courteous, especially to elders. Never put a
knife in your mouth. Remember to write
thank-you letters for gifts of kindness as it is always nice to act with grace and gratitude.
(And please note that poo jokes are only
funny when you are five, you cheeky girl!) Learn to drive Most dads teach their daughters to drive and usually fall out in the
process. Make sure you learn how to drive
as soon you can – it opens up the world for
you. Also, make sure Mummy doesn’t teach
you (just joking, Joely). Travel abroad It’s a cliche to say travel broadens the mind, but it’s true. See as
much of the world as you can. But never on
a motorbike (too dangerous). Be happy You never laugh at 50%: you always laugh at 100%. Your laugh takes
over your whole body and is highly
infectious. I hope you never lose that. There
is no point in asking you not to be sad when
I go. I know you will be, princess. And I wish
I could be there to wrap my arms around you and snuggle you until you smile again.
Remember the Eeyore teddy I bought you
from a charity shop? You said you’d keep
him safe and cuddle him when you miss me.
That’s a great idea. You can feel sad and
use it as a driving force throughout your life. Or you can just be sad. You know which one
I hope you choose. Be charitable Please give to charities. Charities have been good to you and I. You’ll
probably always remember our trip to
Disneyland. But I’ll never forget the sacrifices
people made to pay for your healthcare if
ever cancer returns. Elderly people sent
prayer cards and £10 notes they couldn’t afford. Heads were shaved, miles were run,
thousands were raised. All for you. It’s
important to pay back. Doing good deeds
uplifts the soul. Never forget there are
people worse off than you who you can help. Remember your life motto Always keep trying. You might remember that I taught you
to say “giving up is for losers”. I failed a number of times in my life but never gave up. Kelli, never give up. Believe in yourself In life, many people will say you cannot do things. You make up your mind. Can you? Do you want to? Big challenges involve risks so make smart choices. Those who told me I couldn’t do certain things didn’t want me to do them. If you want something, it is nearly always possible, so do your best. I’m sure there’s a hell of a lot you can achieve! I know you will make me proud and do
something great in my memory. I know you
can do it – so let’s start now. And finally... Thank you for being you, Kelli. Thank you for paying me the biggest
compliment of all time by calling me Daddy.
Having you as my daughter is the greatest
honour of my life. Thank you for teaching me
more about love and happiness than any
other person. Enjoy your life. Don’t rush through it. I will be
waiting. All my love, always, to you princess and to
Mummy, Daddy xTom Attwater has a terminal brain tumour
and a short deadline. He is leaving his stepdaughter Kelli a
poignant legacy of fatherly advice he won’t
be around to give – and is vowing to raise
£500,000 to save her from cancer. After surviving the disease twice, Kelli, five,
may need pioneering treatment in the US
because she is likely to relapse. Thanks in part to generous Mirror readers , who raised £40,000 when we told his story in December, Kelli’s appeal stands at £210,000 – that’s 42% of the target. Businessman Tom, 31, who lives with
fiancee Joely, 26, in Sutton Coldfield, West
Midlands, says: “My tumour is growing and I
don’t have any chances left, but there’s still
so much to do for Kelli’s appeal.” As part of his drive to help her, Tom is
sharing his heartfelt words of guidance... Darling Kelli I’m so sorry I will not get to see you grow up
as I so want to. Please don’t blame people
or the world for this. A lot of life is simply luck
and mine is running out. I wish I had the words to make you feel
better. I wish I didn’t have cancer and you
didn’t have to see me in pain as you often do
now. I wish so many things were different
but they are not. Most dads and daughters have decades to
chat around the kitchen table, their hands
warmed by mugs of coffee, as the dad
dishes out advice and their girls no doubt roll
their eyes. We don’t have that time. I won’t
be able to drop you off on your first day at big school, pick you up after your first date,
hold you when your heart hurts or cheer
when you graduate. But while your old dad is still around I
thought I’d try to give you some life advice in
one go. I hope it gives you some comfort. I
hope cancer never returns so that your life is
long, fulfilled and happy. School Everyone will say it’s vital to work hard at school. Hopefully you’ll always do
your best. I did well at school but did it do
me much good in life? Not really. School
work IS important, but make sure you have
fun too. Boys At the moment you don’t make much distinction between girls and boys and see all children as friends. That’s typical of your sweet nature. But Kel, that will change as you get older. You might see them as stinky, pesky classmates in a few years’ time. But, probably at secondary school, you’ll realise they can be quite nice. You’ll have boyfriends when you’re older –
MUCH older hopefully! – and I won’t be here
to grill them about their intentions. So here’s
some advice from your old man. It’s very
hard to describe how it feels to really be in
love. You might remember seeing me and your mum laughing together and cuddling on
the sofa, and once the love hearts and
flowers fade that’s what real love looks like.
Have fun finding it. Always choose boys with gentlemanly values, manners and respect. Imagine them having tea and a chat with our family around our table and if you think they’ll fit in, you have found a decent young man. Sadly, you will have your heart broken one day. It hurts like hell and will feel like the end of the world. But you will get over it. And even if a romance doesn’t work out, try to be kind. Boys have feelings too. Lastly, if you have a special boy pal who is always there for you when boyfriends come and go, don’t take him for granted. Don’t overlook him. He might really care for you. Marriage I often dreamt about your wedding day and imagined filling up with tears as I
walked you down the aisle before giving you
away. I won’t be able to do that Kelli. Sorry
sweetheart. But I will be looking over your
shoulder on that day, proud and happy you
have found a special someone to love you and care for you. I wonder if you will play what you call “the
family song” (which is really I’ll Be There by
The Jackson 5). It meant so much to me and
my brother and sister growing up, and I
know it does to you too. I’ll be there on your
wedding day in spirit. Mummy You and your mum will argue at times, especially when you’re a teenager.
Please remember she adores you and wants
the best for you. Give Mummy a hug when
she is feeling sad and help each other get
through any horrible times when I am gone.
When you’re a teenager you might think your friends are right and your mum is
wrong. But she has to make hard decisions
for you and, more than any friend you’ll ever
have, has your interests at heart. Treat her
well. Family Nothing is more important than family and the values they give us. Nothing. Friends Treat people as they treat you. Be nice to anyone who helps you, always.
Bullying is horrible – never become one. Christmas & birthdays On your first Christmas without me, I’d love if you and
Mummy would light a candle and remember
me for a few minutes. It would be great if
you two did the monkey dance together.
Jumping around shaking our bottoms always
made us laugh. That’s something to make me smile from up above. I’d also love if you
visit my parents on Boxing Day. They will be
hurting too. I’ve given Nanny Sue presents for all your
birthdays. I wish I could be there to see you
open them. Hopefully you will like everything
as it’s hard to imagine you at 10, 15, 20. I
wonder if you’ll still like One Direction. I
wonder if they’ll still make you dance around the living room. Career You were two when you told me you wanted to be a “princess astronaut” so you
could wear nice dresses and find new
planets. You might now realise that’s not
possible. But so many things ARE possible
for you, darling. Do what makes you happy
and that you enjoy. If you do so, life suddenly becomes much, much easier. You may need to start a few different
careers to find the one you enjoy, but so be
it. One life, one chance. Manners Always remember your please and thank-yous. The reason Mummy and I drum
manners into you is because they will help
you throughout your life. Always be
courteous, especially to elders. Never put a
knife in your mouth. Remember to write
thank-you letters for gifts of kindness as it is always nice to act with grace and gratitude.
(And please note that poo jokes are only
funny when you are five, you cheeky girl!) Learn to drive Most dads teach their daughters to drive and usually fall out in the
process. Make sure you learn how to drive
as soon you can – it opens up the world for
you. Also, make sure Mummy doesn’t teach
you (just joking, Joely). Travel abroad It’s a cliche to say travel broadens the mind, but it’s true. See as
much of the world as you can. But never on
a motorbike (too dangerous). Be happy You never laugh at 50%: you always laugh at 100%. Your laugh takes
over your whole body and is highly
infectious. I hope you never lose that. There
is no point in asking you not to be sad when
I go. I know you will be, princess. And I wish
I could be there to wrap my arms around you and snuggle you until you smile again.
Remember the Eeyore teddy I bought you
from a charity shop? You said you’d keep
him safe and cuddle him when you miss me.
That’s a great idea. You can feel sad and
use it as a driving force throughout your life. Or you can just be sad. You know which one
I hope you choose. Be charitable Please give to charities. Charities have been good to you and I. You’ll
probably always remember our trip to
Disneyland. But I’ll never forget the sacrifices
people made to pay for your healthcare if
ever cancer returns. Elderly people sent
prayer cards and £10 notes they couldn’t afford. Heads were shaved, miles were run,
thousands were raised. All for you. It’s
important to pay back. Doing good deeds
uplifts the soul. Never forget there are
people worse off than you who you can help. Remember your life motto Always keep trying. You might remember that I taught you
to say “giving up is for losers”. I failed a number of times in my life but never gave up. Kelli, never give up. Believe in yourself In life, many people will say you cannot do things. You make up your mind. Can you? Do you want to? Big challenges involve risks so make smart choices. Those who told me I couldn’t do certain things didn’t want me to do them. If you want something, it is nearly always possible, so do your best. I’m sure there’s a hell of a lot you can achieve! I know you will make me proud and do
something great in my memory. I know you
can do it – so let’s start now. And finally... Thank you for being you, Kelli. Thank you for paying me the biggest
compliment of all time by calling me Daddy.
Having you as my daughter is the greatest
honour of my life. Thank you for teaching me
more about love and happiness than any
other person. Enjoy your life. Don’t rush through it. I will be
waiting. All my love, always, to you princess and to
Mummy, Daddy x