Great man

How do I solve this problem with my
husband and daughter?
 May 28, 2014
Dear Agatha ,
I ’ m in my early 50 s
and have been married for close to 18 years
without a child . About 10 years ago, I
noticed certain changes in my husband’ s
behavior. From his staunch support of me,
he became lukewarm and started making
statements I couldn’ t understand .
Since I have been unable to give him a
child , I naturally thought his bitterness had
to do with that, hence I didn’ t say anything
to further aggravate the situation in my
home.
About two weeks ago, he called me for a
heart to heart discussion in one of the
restaurants he and I usesoccasionally when
we didn ’ t feel like eating at home. I thought
it was to confirm my worst fear of him
having a child outside our home.
When I got there , he was in the company of
a younger lady who from her appearance is
very successful. The lady also brought with
her three children , all very cute .
My heart sunk at the sight of this lady and
her children. It meant only one thing ; this
was his other wife and children. I almost
didn’ t want to confront him and his family
but he sighted me and beckoned me to
come.
Against my will , I sat down and completely
ignored the other lady and her children. I
didn’ t even bother to be nice to the baby
who at sighting me wanted me to carry her
and play with her.
My husband and the woman noticed my
hostility but kept quiet.
After introducing me to the woman as his
wife , he asked, if I can recognise the young
lady before me. I asked him ; if I should. He
didn’ t respond but shook his head in what
appears to be annoyance .
The lady too became so hostile and
gathered her children to her bosom . After
an uncomfortable spell of silence in which
we ordered and eat our meals, he again
instructed I take a good look at the lady
before answering the question of whether I
know the lady or not .
At that point , I became furious and told
both of them to go to hell . I stormed out on
both of them. He didn’ t bother to stop me
and didn ’ t make any reference to that scene
when he got home even though I was ready
to fight him.
The following day was a Saturday . As early
as 7 in the morning, members of my family ,
his ’ and the lady and her children all
assembled in my house . Not even the
presence of my family stopped me from
ordering the lady out of my house but my
aunty, who after the death of my mother,
now represents my mother, overruled me.
To cut the long story short ; the woman
turned out to be the daughter I had when I
was in secondary school . I was in form 3
when I became pregnant with her. The
head - boy who was responsible for the
pregnancy didn ’ t deny the baby ; his mother
took over the child from me and despite
attempts by both families to make me yield
to seeing the child , I never did.
Instead I ran away from home; they didn’ t
know my whereabouts until a decade later
when I came back home. Fortunately for
me, I made something out of my life and by
the time I came back , my mother out of
depression at my behavior had died .
Since I didn’ t bother to bring up the issue
of the child , no member of my family did. In
my heart she was dead which is why I
never discussed her with my husband or
the fact that I had a child before .
Now she was in my sitting room with my
grandchildren-what an irony .
My aunty was the one who called my
husband a decade ago to tell him of the
child . Unknown to me, he traced her and
made contacts with her and was even there
on her wedding day .
Since her father had died , he stepped into
her life as her father .
Her children actually call him grandpa .
Everybody in his family and mine are in the
know.
I haven’ t been myself since that meeting.
My daughter has refused to talk to me . My
husband too is keeping his distance.
Agatha , please help me. I don’ t know how
to begin the process of thanking my
husband for his love or making up with my
daughter and grandchildren.