War in my house

Please help me resolve the crisis brewing
among my children. I have four children ,
two boys and two girls. Since the death of
my husband , I have tried my possible best
to be a good mother to them all .
I honestly thought I had succeeded until
this recent development among them.
Recently , my second son, a replica of my
late husband took certain money from my
wardrobe. When I discovered the money
was missing , I thought it was my eldest son
and didn ’ t hesitate to accuse him of
stealing my money. I know both of them are
in the habit of pilfering, but this amount was
too much for me to endure . It was the first
time they would take as much as N 10, 000
from my room.
Besides , the money wasn ’ t mine. It
belonged to someone in the office, and
since I didn ’ t have money from anywhere to
replace it immediately , I cried out.
I had already called the attention of my
younger brother , whom I call frequently to
effect discipline when they become too
difficult for me to handle , upon the
discovery that my second son actually took
the money . By the time my brother came
the whole matter had become too messy, as
my other children had taken a stand against
my second son and me. They didn ’ t stop at
accusing me of favouring him more than the
rest, but also think I am the cause of their
bad behaviour , a position my brother agreed
to.
The issue is so bad now that my eldest son
took away the DVD machine at home to
sell. And when I asked him, he said since I
didn’ t do anything to my second son when
he took my money, he being the eldest
reserved the right to do what he liked . He
has threatened to dispose of the house we
reside , the only thing their father left behind
for them .
Please help me resolve this crisis among
my children by telling me what to do . I
have asked my eldest son to return the DVD
machine he sold but he is adamant . Don ’ t
know what to do to him .
Worried Mother .
Dear Worried Mother ,
If your children are divided against
themselves, it is because you didn’ t do your
job as a good mother . If your eldest son is
selling off the property , it is because you
licensed one of your sons to steal on
account of him taking after your late
husband in looks .
The sad truth is , if you don’ t begin to play a
fair game with all your children, not only
would you be the doom of your sons but
the girls too , who from the examples of their
brothers either take to stealing or do other
things to scandalise you the more .
To prevent the surprise of you coming
home to meet the house already in the
hands of its new owners , remove every
document that has to do with the house to
a place of safety. Your eldest son may not
intend selling it, but could do so out of a
sense of hurt as well as perceived injustice
actually carry out his threat . Again , he may
not be serious about selling the house ,
whereas your second son who seems able
to get away with anything where you are
concerned could wake one day and decide
that the money he steals from you isn ’ t
enough and that selling the house would be
the only way he can raise the kind of
money he needs . It is always best to err on
the side of caution than to be caught on the
wrong side napping.
Candidly, you need to apologise to your
children because you wronged them as well
as pushed them into situations they
ordinarily wouldn ’ t have crossed their
minds. There is no substitute to fairness in
everything we do. Being fair means allowing
the will of God to prevail at all times.
Much as I disapprove of what your eldest
son did, why should he return the DVD
machine when you are silent on the crime
of stealing N 10, 000 by your second son
took? What makes your second more of a
son to you than your first? There is no way
he would return that machine until you
learn to be fair to all of them . Seeing that
you are willing to condone and conceal
murder as long as your second son is
happy and protected while you demand for
justice when it concerns the rest would
prevent the return of your DVD machine .
If I were you, I won ’ t press too hard , rather
would look for ways of ensuring that it
never occurs again by disciplining the
second son severely for his audacity to go
into my room to take money not meant for
him. It is the only way you can buy back
your integrity as a mother and the head of
the home . Since you lack the strength to
apply sanctions , call in your brother to do it
for you. The punishment should be such
that the others would see that actually
justice being done and also the process of
your second ’ s recovery programme . The
danger of allowing things to continue this
way is the possibility of him joining up with
other criminally minded persons in the
society. By then, it won ’ t just be your
brother and children witnessing your
shame , but the whole society who would
question your sense of judgement as a
mother.
Yes, he is like your husband , but the
question you should ask is , would he be
happy at the way you are bringing up this
child ? Would he support you turning his
child into an armed robber? That you
discipline a child doesn ’ t mean you hate a
child . The Bible is very explicit on
discipline. Nobody is saying you should not
pamper a child , but when it becomes
unreasonable you expose the child to
man’ s natural vile . When this child
becomes too large for you to manage , it
won ’ t be because you love him too much
but that you are an irresponsible and very
careless mother .
For this reason , you must do everything to
beat him back into shape. Show him that
he can ’ t always have everything in life . That
life is about choices of what you want and
what you need . He may want the whole
world, but does he need the things he is
asking for , stealing your money to buy?
Because you have allowed him to escape
with the idea that he can always get what
he wants, he won ’ t stop at stealing your
things, but also those of other people
around too when he doesn ’ t get anything to
take in the house .
Asking your children for forgiveness would
first of all douse the tension generated by
your levity in handling the matter. At the
meeting, be humble enough to admit your
mistake as well as discuss how you intend
moving the family forward.
If you are honest and your other children
see you are serious about changing the
situation in the house , they would begin to
change for the best . And on those days you
make mistakes , they will understand that it
is part of life and offer you their support to
succeed.
As a mother who loves her children , always
go to God day and night because parenting
isn ’ t an easy task . There is a fine line
between love and indulgence . You need His
presence to constantly remind you when to
draw the line , to remind you when to laugh
and when to frown at them , when to joke
and when to scold them . Always commit
them into the able hands of God who has
the ability to control the excesses of the
youths.