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Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Deceitful wife

I hid the truth from my husband
 October 1, 2014
Three years after I
married, I ’ m yet to take in. The truth is , I
have no womb hence will never be able to
get pregnant . During my second year in the
university , I lost my womb due to
complications I developed during the
process of procuring an abortion.
I became sexually active when I was in JSS
1 and have had series of abortions . Back
then, my friends and I used a mixture of
potassium and blue powder with gin to
procure abortion. We did this many times
until we had the confidence to approach a
doctor through the help of the elder sister of
one of us .
When we entered into the university and one
of us died from abortion related
complications , this doctor warned us
against abortions ; he actually declined to
help us again hence , we switched doctors .
To be fair , before I developed the
complications that led to my losing my
womb , the new doctor warned that I was
walking on very dangerous grounds. He
told me my womb was too weak and that I
should avoid as much as possible ,
unprotected sex . But how can I when on
this day it happened , I had to do a quickie
with one of my lecturers in his office to earn
marks? I really thought I was safe . By the
time I discovered I was pregnant , I was
already in a good relationship with my
present husband so I had no choice but to
terminate it .
To hide the reason for my illness and
operation from him, I had to go home to
avoid his suspicions. None of my friends
told him where I stayed to protect me.
When I came back , I lied it was an
appendicitis operation I went for .
Now my secret is about to be exposed as
his mother is insisting I go to the family
doctor for examination to determine the
cause of my inability to get pregnant ,
especially as my husband has been given a
clean bill of health . She suspects the
medical reports I have been presenting to
the family are false. To cap it all , she said ,
she would accompany me to the hospital
when I go for the tests . I don ’ t know what
to do as I ’ m sure she would push me out of
the house and make her son marry the
woman she has always wanted him to
marry- the girl he grew up with , and dated
until he met me .
She has never hidden her dislike for and
suspicion about my past life . Please tell me
how to get out of this because, if my
husband also finds out the reason for our
childlessness, he will never forgive me. Do I
pretend I forgot the appointment on account
of office pressure on the day of our meeting
or insist my doctor is on top of my case?
Desperate wife
Dear desperate wife ,
Honestly , you are very callous. For how
long were you intending to keep this secret
from your husband? Don’ t you feel anything
inside of you when you both discuss the
issue of your childlessness ? Don’ t you feel
any remorse when he comes from one
medical examination or the other ? If his
mother didn’ t come up with this, be truthful;
were you ever going to tell this man your
womb has been removed as a result of
your moral bankruptcy while growing up ?
Can you imagine the emotional,
psychological and physical torture you have
put this man through in the three years you
have been married to him ?
Can you imagine what dies inside of him
each time he sees his friends who got
married when he did or after your wedding ,
with their own children? Do you know the
kind of things he has had to endure from
family , colleagues and friends whenever the
issue of children, are being discussed? The
fact that he agreed to go for medical
examinations is more than enough proof of
his desire to have children . Many men will
not do what he did; they always leave the
woman to prove her fertility . The fact too
that he gives you the freedom to select your
own doctor is manifestation of his love for
you. If you had a heart, at the point he
made the decision to subject himself to
medical examinations was the perfect time
to open up to him since you couldn ’ t tell
him before you got married. That itself is
too much of a reason for most men to
throw you out of their lives.
Only a woman without a heart can plan to
subject the man she swore to love till death
to such a sentence. The only crime this
man committed is his decision to love you
forever . You have no right whatsoever to
subject him to such a life without at least
confiding in him. To think your only
concern is how to keep concealing the truth
from him and not how to amend the havoc
you have created in his life, leaves me
hollow and extremely pained for your
husband.
Since you left him with no choice when you
made the decision to marry him without
telling him you will never be able to have
children on account of your not having a
womb anymore, you shouldn’ t be afraid to
face the consequences of your action at all .
Had you told him the truth from the
beginning; the marriage and its challenges
would have been a decision he made of his
own free will , and which he would have
defended accordingly . But since you
decided to play smart , don’ t in all sincerity
expect him to waste more of his precious
time nursing an injury he knows nothing
about. So , rather than blame his mother ,
blame yourself for the panorama that is
about to unfold in your home .
In your mother- in-law ’ s shoes, what would
you do ? You make it sound as if your
mother- in-law is the problem here. If for
three years , she didn’ t attempt to come
between you and your husband , and didn ’ t
try to stop the marriage in the first place ,
stop trying to pin whatever problem your
past decisions is going to bring to bear on
your marriage on this woman . Like every
mother who has a son who has been
married for as long as you and her son
have been , without a child to show for it,
she has every right to be worried .
To insist you use the family doctor is out of
concern for both of you. It is also to make
assurances doubly sure that all the medical
reports you have been given by your
doctors actually address the problem that
may be responsible for your inability to get
pregnant . It doesn ’ t mean she is witch
hunting you, or wants you out so her
favorite choice for her son, can come in.
You won ’ t be thinking this way if you didn’ t
have something as serious as a damaged
womb to hide . The best thing is not for you
to antagonize her or try to wriggle out of
the arrangement she has come up with ; to
do that would only make her very
suspicious of your reason for avoiding her
doctor. For a woman seemingly anxious
about her inability to have a child ; your
excuse would sound poor and completely
out of place . To insist your doctor is on top
of the matter is to make her more curious
as to the kind of relationship between you
and the doctor. If you are not careful , you
will be offering her the opportunity on a
platter of gold to query your faithfulness to
your husband who when he finds out about
your condition would come to the very
logical conclusions that you have been
having an affair with the doctor to
manufacture the fake results. By then, it
would be almost impossible for you to
salvage whatever chance your marriage has
of surviving the mess your past life has put
it. Furthermore, it could also compromise
the license of your doctor eventually.
The best thing for you at this point is to
come out with the truth . If your husband
can go against his mother’ s wishes to
marry you instead of the lady he has dated
for a long time, he loves you. Though that
is no guarantee that he will ever be able to
forgive you for keeping the state of your
womb a secret from him , you have to tell
him the truth now before it is too late .
To avoid any unpleasantness, let there be
someone strong enough to prevent him
from injuring you or himself . Frankly , don’ t
expect a marriage after you tell him the
truth because your conduct frees him of any
such considerations or obligations to you.
Even when he offers, insist he takes his
time to consider the implications of staying
with you since yours isn ’ t just the normal
case of infertility but that of a permanent
disability.
He would know how to present the matter
to his parents without you having to face
the shame of your past life becoming public
knowledge .

Olive oil could help to reverse heart failure

Olive oil could help to reverse heart
failure, scientists claim
But animal fats appear to make the
disease worse
A man grabs an olive oil bottle.
By KASHMIRA GANDER
Tuesday 30 September 2014
Olive oil could help reverse a patient’s
heart failure "immediately", scientists
have claimed.
Oleate - the fat found in the golden liquid
- could help a diseased heart pump blood
more effectively and use body fat as fuel,
researchers at the University of Illinois
have found.
The most common reason a person may
suffer from heart failure is when the
muscle becomes damaged, including after
a heart attack, through drug or alcohol
abuse, and high blood pressure.
Shortness of breath, both during activity
or rest; swelling of the feet, ankles,
stomach and lower back; and fatigue are
all symptoms of heart failure.
Currently, there is no way to reverse heart
disease, and a combination of medication
and lifestyle changes help patients
manage their symptoms and keep their
condition stable.
Animal fats, found in butter, were found to make
heart disease worse (Getty)
Scientists made their findings based on
previous studies which show that a
healthy heart absorbs fat to keep
pumping, but if damaged the muscle can
no longer process or store far – starving it
of energy.
This means the heart is unable to work
hard enough, and toxic fat deposits are
left to clog up arteries.
Scientists believe that oleate helps the
body produce enzymes which break down
fat so the heart is once again able to
absorb it.
"These genes are often suppressed in
failing hearts," Douglas Lewandowski of
the University of Illinois in Chicago told
the Telegraph .
"So the fact that we can restore beneficial
gene expression, as well as more balanced
fat metabolism, plus reduce toxic fat, just
by supplying hearts with oleate is a very
exciting finding.
"This gives more proof to the idea that
consuming healthy fats can have a
significantly positive effect on cardiac
health."
To make their findings published in the
journal ‘Circulation’, researchers analysed
how rats hearts responded to oleate or
aplmitate, the fat found in animal fats and
dairy products.
When oleate was pumped through a
failing heart, scientists saw an
“immediate” improvement in how the
heart contracted and pumped blood, Dr
Lewandowski explained.
But, when animal fats were pumped
through the heart, the heart disease
worsened and more toxic fat was
produced.
The study is backed by previous research
which shows a diet high in olive oil can
have the same affect as statins in reducing
the risk of a heart attack

WIFE CAUGHT RED HANDED

I want to kill my wife. Imagine the
pretentious unfaithful woman I married. I've been
shattered and broken since Friday. I'm a man but
I've cried.
Where did I go wrong?
I've tried to be a loving. Caring and faithful
husband and father but what did I get?
We seemed a happy family na Stella, we've had
our shortcomings as a couple, like every other
couple but we were happy.
My wife has always been very God fearing and
churcheous,or so she made me believe.
On Friday,like most others,she told me she was
going for a Vigil after work. She had left the
house before I got in from the office, the kids
dropped off with grandma. I was therefore hone
alone when my friends called to hang out with
them at a Bar in Ikeja, i reluctantly did because in
usually not the hanging out type.
We were at the bar having fun over drinks and
generally catching up on school days when we
noticed a car's flash on another car thereby
exposing the people inside,a man and a woman
obviously smooching and all. We laughed nd
made little gossip of it but it caught our attention
anyways and from time to time we looked towards
the car monitoring the event, at a point we noticed
the woman was bent low in what seemed like a
blow job and a friend mentioned In passing" you
go surprise say na person wife be dat o", my
voice was the loudest in condemning the woman
if indeed she's someone's wife while I thanked
God openly for giving me a God fearing
responsible wife who would never stoop so low to
indulge in such.
About an hour later, show over, the couple in the
car stepped out of the car coming towards the
bar, Li and behold,to the full glare of my friends,
that woman was my wife,my own wife, my God
fearing responsible wife. What a public shame,
ridicule and disgrace.
Why are women like this? What did she want? I
thought we had it all. I feel do bad,so depressed.
She hasn't been home since but has sent
everyone we hold in high esteem to beg but
walahi , if I catch that woman I will kill her''

War in my house

Please help me resolve the crisis brewing
among my children. I have four children ,
two boys and two girls. Since the death of
my husband , I have tried my possible best
to be a good mother to them all .
I honestly thought I had succeeded until
this recent development among them.
Recently , my second son, a replica of my
late husband took certain money from my
wardrobe. When I discovered the money
was missing , I thought it was my eldest son
and didn ’ t hesitate to accuse him of
stealing my money. I know both of them are
in the habit of pilfering, but this amount was
too much for me to endure . It was the first
time they would take as much as N 10, 000
from my room.
Besides , the money wasn ’ t mine. It
belonged to someone in the office, and
since I didn ’ t have money from anywhere to
replace it immediately , I cried out.
I had already called the attention of my
younger brother , whom I call frequently to
effect discipline when they become too
difficult for me to handle , upon the
discovery that my second son actually took
the money . By the time my brother came
the whole matter had become too messy, as
my other children had taken a stand against
my second son and me. They didn ’ t stop at
accusing me of favouring him more than the
rest, but also think I am the cause of their
bad behaviour , a position my brother agreed
to.
The issue is so bad now that my eldest son
took away the DVD machine at home to
sell. And when I asked him, he said since I
didn’ t do anything to my second son when
he took my money, he being the eldest
reserved the right to do what he liked . He
has threatened to dispose of the house we
reside , the only thing their father left behind
for them .
Please help me resolve this crisis among
my children by telling me what to do . I
have asked my eldest son to return the DVD
machine he sold but he is adamant . Don ’ t
know what to do to him .
Worried Mother .
Dear Worried Mother ,
If your children are divided against
themselves, it is because you didn’ t do your
job as a good mother . If your eldest son is
selling off the property , it is because you
licensed one of your sons to steal on
account of him taking after your late
husband in looks .
The sad truth is , if you don’ t begin to play a
fair game with all your children, not only
would you be the doom of your sons but
the girls too , who from the examples of their
brothers either take to stealing or do other
things to scandalise you the more .
To prevent the surprise of you coming
home to meet the house already in the
hands of its new owners , remove every
document that has to do with the house to
a place of safety. Your eldest son may not
intend selling it, but could do so out of a
sense of hurt as well as perceived injustice
actually carry out his threat . Again , he may
not be serious about selling the house ,
whereas your second son who seems able
to get away with anything where you are
concerned could wake one day and decide
that the money he steals from you isn ’ t
enough and that selling the house would be
the only way he can raise the kind of
money he needs . It is always best to err on
the side of caution than to be caught on the
wrong side napping.
Candidly, you need to apologise to your
children because you wronged them as well
as pushed them into situations they
ordinarily wouldn ’ t have crossed their
minds. There is no substitute to fairness in
everything we do. Being fair means allowing
the will of God to prevail at all times.
Much as I disapprove of what your eldest
son did, why should he return the DVD
machine when you are silent on the crime
of stealing N 10, 000 by your second son
took? What makes your second more of a
son to you than your first? There is no way
he would return that machine until you
learn to be fair to all of them . Seeing that
you are willing to condone and conceal
murder as long as your second son is
happy and protected while you demand for
justice when it concerns the rest would
prevent the return of your DVD machine .
If I were you, I won ’ t press too hard , rather
would look for ways of ensuring that it
never occurs again by disciplining the
second son severely for his audacity to go
into my room to take money not meant for
him. It is the only way you can buy back
your integrity as a mother and the head of
the home . Since you lack the strength to
apply sanctions , call in your brother to do it
for you. The punishment should be such
that the others would see that actually
justice being done and also the process of
your second ’ s recovery programme . The
danger of allowing things to continue this
way is the possibility of him joining up with
other criminally minded persons in the
society. By then, it won ’ t just be your
brother and children witnessing your
shame , but the whole society who would
question your sense of judgement as a
mother.
Yes, he is like your husband , but the
question you should ask is , would he be
happy at the way you are bringing up this
child ? Would he support you turning his
child into an armed robber? That you
discipline a child doesn ’ t mean you hate a
child . The Bible is very explicit on
discipline. Nobody is saying you should not
pamper a child , but when it becomes
unreasonable you expose the child to
man’ s natural vile . When this child
becomes too large for you to manage , it
won ’ t be because you love him too much
but that you are an irresponsible and very
careless mother .
For this reason , you must do everything to
beat him back into shape. Show him that
he can ’ t always have everything in life . That
life is about choices of what you want and
what you need . He may want the whole
world, but does he need the things he is
asking for , stealing your money to buy?
Because you have allowed him to escape
with the idea that he can always get what
he wants, he won ’ t stop at stealing your
things, but also those of other people
around too when he doesn ’ t get anything to
take in the house .
Asking your children for forgiveness would
first of all douse the tension generated by
your levity in handling the matter. At the
meeting, be humble enough to admit your
mistake as well as discuss how you intend
moving the family forward.
If you are honest and your other children
see you are serious about changing the
situation in the house , they would begin to
change for the best . And on those days you
make mistakes , they will understand that it
is part of life and offer you their support to
succeed.
As a mother who loves her children , always
go to God day and night because parenting
isn ’ t an easy task . There is a fine line
between love and indulgence . You need His
presence to constantly remind you when to
draw the line , to remind you when to laugh
and when to frown at them , when to joke
and when to scold them . Always commit
them into the able hands of God who has
the ability to control the excesses of the
youths.

Nigeria: North west and voodoo population

Everything turns upside down in Nigeria.
Logic becomes illogical. Wisdom
becomes foolishness.  Two plus two
becomes seven.  Hospitals become
mortuaries. Stealing is not corruption.
Education is a sin. In Nigeria, so many
things fly in the face of simple
commonsense.
One major example is the ridiculous idea
that, by some inexplicable freak of
nature, more people live in the arid less-
developed Northern part of Nigeria than
in the wet, coastal, more-developed
South.
Insult to intelligence
The larger population of the North is an
elephant in the Nigerian living-room.
According to the last disputed census of
2006, there are 75 million Nigerians living
in the North and 65 million in the South.
This is balderdash! As long as we
continue to accept such blatant lie, there
can be no true democracy in Nigeria.
Electoral results must continue to be
falsified to conform to it. As long as we
continue to entertain such outright
falsehood, we shall continue to be
subjected to a “born to rule” mentality on
the part of some mischievous Northern
politicians.
The assertion that there are more people
in the North than in the South is an insult
to intelligence and commonsense. All
over West Africa, the coastal states are
more densely and highly populated than
the arid desert hinterlands. Nobody has
been able to come up with a reasonable
reason why Nigeria would be the only
exception to this rule. Most of the people
in Egypt live on a strip along the Nile
River. But in Nigeria, we are meant to
believe most of the people live in the
desert.
Some make the case that Northern
polygamy leads to more births. If so,
why are there only 30 million people in
Saudi Arabia, a country more than twice
the size of Nigeria? The Saudis are also
polygamous. If there are so many more
live-births in the North than in the South,
this should be reflected in children
immunization programs: but it is not.
Everything we know about demographics
contradicts the inflated population of the
North relative to the South. The
economic opportunities in the South far
outweigh those in the North. That means
economic migration is bound to be
southward and not northward. The
states with the highest internally
generated revenues all come from the
South; while eight of the last ten are
from the North.  No Northern state
features in the top ten.
Mythical Kano
The North regularly trots up Kano as the
largest state of the federation, but there
is no doubt that this is also pure fiction.
There is no way that there can be more
people in Kano State than in Lagos State
or even Oyo State. Let me be even more
categorical.  Kano cannot be as populous
as Ibadan. Kano cannot even have half
the population of Lagos.
We were told Kano State was bigger in
population than Lagos State.  Then Jigawa
State was carved out of Kano in 1991. But
lo and behold, the remaining rump of
Kano was still bigger than Lagos. In 1991,
we were told there were 5.8 million
people in Kano State, while 5.7 million
were in Lagos. In 2006, Kano was
awarded a population of 9.4 million;
more than Lagos which was given 9.1
million.
In the meantime, Jigawa was awarded 4.3
million people in 2006. If this were to be
believed, it would mean Kano (including
Jigawa) had outpaced Lagos by more than
four million people by 2006. That is
impossible.  Moreover, Kano was
awarded 44 local government areas;
Jigawa 27 and Lagos only 20.
Why any right-thinking person would
believe Kano State has more people than
Lagos State is beyond me. For years, the
total amount of internally generated
revenue in Kano was less than 6 billion
naira a year. In the last year or so, it is
now averaging 20 billion. But get this:
the internally generated revenue in Lagos
is 219 billion naira. So why would people
be moving to Kano instead of Lagos?
Where are the jobs in Kano to attract
them relative to Lagos?
Why would more people keep moving to
Kano where there is insurgency; from
Maitasine to Boko Haram, relative to
Lagos where there is none? The answer
is simple. The large population of Kano
relative to Lagos is bogus. It is pure
fiction! If there were more people in
Kano than in Lagos, it would show up, for
example, in waste-generation. How
much waste does Kano produce relative
to Lagos? The answer is only a fraction.
How many houses and physical structures
are there in Kano relative to Lagos?
There is no comparison. Google satellite
maps show a concentration of people and
houses in Kano city centre. Everywhere
else is sparsely populated.  This is not the
case with Lagos. It is not the case with
Ibadan.  It is not the case with Aba. If
there are so many people up North,
where are the people? Where do they
live? Which vehicles take them from A
to B? How many of these vehicles are in
Kano relative to Lagos? Only a fraction!
Magical Zamfara
Precisely because we have accepted the
lie of Northern population supremacy
over the South, Attahiru Jega and his
INEC cohorts decided to sneak further
falsehood past us. Having discovered far
more double-registration of voters in the
North than in the South, INEC still went
ahead to create additional polling units,
allocating a disproportionate number of
these to the North.  However, the very
audacity of INEC in the attempted
perpetration of this fraud has brought to
light certain anomalies in the 2011
elections, especially as it relates to the
North-West.
INEC’s recent cleanup exercise of the
voters register is a big indictment of the
North. INEC discovered that there are far
more double-registration of voters in the
North than in the South. The greatest
fraud in this regard is committed in the
North-West, and the most fraudulent
state in the country turns out to be
Zamfara.
Sokoto and Zamfara states border the
Republic of Niger. Niger Republic is 19
times bigger than Sokoto and Zamfara put
together in land area. And yet, we are
meant to believe that in 2006, Sokoto and
Zamfara had a combined total population
of 6.9 million; more than half of Niger
Republic’s population of 12.9 million.
Zamfara’s fictitious population in the
2006 census was 3.2 million.
Nevertheless, INEC registered 2 million
voters for Zamfara for the 2011 elections.
That means 62.5% of the people in
Zamfara registered to vote.  (This is
roughly equal to the 64% of people who
registered to vote in the 2012 elections in
the United States; a country of far higher
voter-awareness and socialisation). This
is fraud of the highest order for the
simple reason that 62.5% of the
population of Zamfara cannot be eligible
to vote.
The voting age in Nigeria is 18 years.
According to U.N. demographics, 44% of
Nigerians are below the age of 15. This
means under no circumstances can 50%
of the population anywhere in Nigeria be
said to have registered to vote in any
election. It is not surprising therefore
that although INEC registered 2 million
voters for the 2011 elections in Zamfara,
the same INEC discovered in its clean-up
exercise this year that 1.1 million of those
voters (over 50%) were fraudulent; the
result of double registration.
Voodoo results
That means only 914,886 of the names on
the Zamfara register could be verified as
not pertaining to double registration.
(This does not tell us how many of the
remaining names are fictitious). But then
get this: according to INEC records,
927,219 people voted in Zamfara in the
2011 presidential election; mostly for
Buhari. That means more votes were cast
in Zamfara than the total number of
legitimately-registered voters, according
to the revelation of INEC’s clean-up
exercise.
Let us put this in stark terms. It means,
according to INEC, over 100% of the
Zamfara electorate voted in 2011. What
malarkey! By the time we factor in the
fictitious names that must have been in
the register, we can see that the figures
coming out of Zamfara have nothing
whatsoever to do with reality.  In
Zamfara, there is procedural inflation of
figures pertaining to population and
elections.
This gives us an idea of how fraudulent
the North-West of Nigeria is with regard
to population and electoral figures.  This
is not to say that manipulation and
falsification of figures is not standard
operational procedure in other states of
the federation, but INEC revealed that it
is most exaggerated in the North in
general and in the North-West in
particular.
It is not surprising therefore that, in the
2011 presidential election, there were
10.6 million “voters” from the North-
West alone; twice the number of voters
from either the South-West (4.6 million)
or the South-East (5 million). This is
preposterous, and is nothing but one big
lie!
Back to Jega
It is on this fictitious super-structure of a
larger population in the North relative to
the South that Jega’s INEC based its
outrageous allocation of 21,000 additional
polling booths to the North, relative to
8,000 to the South.
In defense of this regional-chauvinism,
Hakeem Baba-Ahmad added insult to
injury by saying: “Jega admitted that
many states in the south did not even
deserve the number of units they got, but
for the inclusion of the principle of
fairness and equity. In other words, if
INEC had been strict in sharing out the
units in accordance with voting
population and geography, the north
would have received even more.” What
poppycock!
In what appears to be the triumph of
commonsense and logic, the Senate has
advised Jega to suspend the allocation of
new polling units until after the 2015
general elections. That should be the end
of the matter. People who don’t
understand how the Nigerian political
system works feel Jega can ignore this
advice. He cannot! The legislative
branch of the government has oversight
powers over the executive branch. Such
a directive from the legislature to an arm
of the government is not subject to
debate. It must be obeyed otherwise Jega
will be sanctioned

Monday, September 29, 2014

Five things doctors do that they shouldn't do

Five things doctors do that
they shouldn’t
A new campaign hopes to persuade
doctors from carrying out unnecessary –
or even harmful – procedures and tests.
Here are some you should watch for

A campaign, Choosing Wisely, to help
doctors to cause less harm is gaining
momentum across the world. It began in
the US two years ago, with the American
Board of Internal Medicine (ABIM)
helping specialists to compile lists of
unnecessary or harmful medical
interventions in their field. In the UK, the
National Institute for Health and Care
Excellence (Nice) drew up its own list of
“do not do” guidance for doctors . But old
habits die hard and doctors still routinely
prescribe tests, drugs and procedures
that are useless to you. Here are five do-
not-dos that doctors continue to flout.
1. Do not scan for lower back pain
Lower back pain usually gets better
within a month. People who have x-rays,
CT or MRI scans are more likely to end
up having an operation than those who
don’t have the tests. But, on average,
both groups recover in the same time
period. Around 99% of people with lower
back pain who go to their GP have a
mechanical problem that will usually sort
itself out. But how do you know whether
you’re part of the unlucky 1%, with a
serious underlying condition that needs
urgent attention? Doctors are trained to
identify the danger signs, or red flags,
which should trigger intervention. These
include a previous cancer diagnosis,
osteoporosis, or a recent bad fall. You
can find the red flags on the NHS Choices
website .
Bottom line: Don’t have a scan or x-ray
for mechanical lower-back pain in the
first six weeks.
2. Do not prescribe cough medicines to kids
Most coughs and colds in kids are caused
by viruses – symptoms typically last for a
few days, then get better. Paracetamol or
ibuprofen are OK to give for a high fever.
Antibiotics don’t work against viruses –
and remedies for tickly or dry coughs,
runny or blocked noses and sore throats
shouldn’t be prescribed either, says the
American Association of Pediatrics (AAP)
in its contribution to the Choosing Wisely
campaign. “Many coughs and cold
products for children have more than
one ingredient, increasing the chance of
accidental overdose if combined with
another product.”
Bottom line: Wipe their noses by all
means, but go easy on the cough syrup.
3. Do not do random allergy tests
A huge variety of symptoms are
attributed to “food allergies”, though
people are often unsure what they might
be allergic to. But attributing symptoms
like bloating, abdominal pains and
weight loss to “allergy” can be
misleading, and could mean a serious
underlying condition is missed. If you
suffer an allergic reaction, the key is to
identify the culprit by recalling what
you’ve eaten. Usually, there’s little doubt.
If you vomit, swell up or nearly stop
breathing when you eat poppy seeds, you
don’t need a test to tell you you’re
allergic. And if a blood test tells you that
you’re allergic to peanuts but you can eat
them with impunity, then you don’t need
to avoid them. In fact, 8% of the
population test positive to peanuts on
allergy testing, but only 1% are truly
allergic and get symptoms when they eat
them.
Bottom line: Allergy tests are for people
who have “proper” allergic reactions.
4. Do not medicate “happy spitters”
Babies are messy creatures. They spit up
their milk, burp and cry. Some are
diagnosed as having gastroesophageal
reflux or GER. But if they are gaining
weight and breathing OK, there is no
need to medicalise or medicate them.
“Parents should be counselled that GER
is normal in infants and not associated
with anything but stained clothes” says
the AAP. Further investigation is only
warranted if the baby is not thriving or
has respiratory problems. Drugs that
block acid (such as ranitidine ) and act on
the gut (such as metoclopramide ) are
commonly prescribed by paediatricians,
especially in the private sector. But the
experts says infant GER rarely causes any
long term harm and that these drugs
don’t help either in the short or long
term.
Bottom line: Possetting (regurgitating
milk) is normal for babies.
5. Do not advise taking St John’s wort for
depression
According to Nice , there is evidence that
St John’s wort (SJW) may help mild or
moderate depression. Nevertheless,
doctors should not prescribe it or even
advise its use, because it is hard to be
certain of the correct dose, there’s no
standardised preparation and its effects
can last variable lengths of time. SJW
also interacts with lots of other drugs,
including the contraceptive pill and
blood-thinning drugs, such as warfarin.
Bottom line: Just because it works,
doesn’t mean you should take it.
The problem with all these is that old
habits die hard: doctors can go on a
course to learn about new evidence, but
it’s harder to change actual practice. For
instance, Choosing Wisely says patients
and doctors should question giving
antibiotics to kids with ear infections if
they’re not seriously unwell – the
potential harm outweighs the benefits.
But faced with a screaming kid and
sleep-deprived parent, many GPs
routinely prescribe antibiotics.
The campaign also says that there’s no
need for a vaginal examination before
starting the contraceptive pill. Routine
but intrusive examinations are taught in
medical schools but often have no real
rationale. And several screening
programmes also need to be challenged
as they cause unecessary anxiety, and
don’t really help. For instance, routine
screening for prostate cancer by blood
test or a digital rectal examination is of
questionable value and men should only
opt for screening if they’ve been fully
informed about the pros and cons. So
before tolerating a a needle in your arm
or taking a prescription to the chemist,
have a proper chat. It might just be one
of those “do not dos”

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Boy impregnates mother

Love Portion Saga: Son
Impregnates Mother In Delta


A 19-year-old Abel (surname withheld)
recently promoted to SS 3 in one of the
secondary schools in Asaba, Delta State
has allegedly put his mother in the family
way after he had a carnal knowledge with
her few months ago.
Reports said that the boy, popularly called
Ekenem, was said to have consulted a
native doctor, who allegedly prepared a
love charm for him to use on his mother
and one of the matrons in the college
where he is a boarding student.
Although sources said the act committed
by the boy still remains a misery to those
in the know, but the father of the boy, a
Port Harcourt based businessman was
said to have reported the matter to the
police.
DSP Celestina Kalu, police public relations
officer in the state, who confirmed the
report, disclosed that the boy has been
arrested over threat to life and other
related acts, adding that the police were
still investigating the circumstances of the
pregnancy.
As it were, it was reliably gathered that the
husband of the woman has been away for
some time outside his Port Harcourt
operational base, saying that he was not in
anyway responsible for the pregnancy
upon interrogation.
But the victim, the suspect’s mother while
speaking to journalists said, “I did not
know how it all happened, but all I can say
is that a young man who looked like my
son suddenly found his way into my room
at wee hours and I was speechless”,
adding that the whole exercise had
remained inexplicable.
Expectedly, when it was discovered that it
was not the husband who was responsible
for the pregnancy, the doctor who carried
out the pregnancy test on her but did not
want his name on the print said, “upon
completion of the pregnancy test, the
suspect confided in him of the love charm
that was used on the mother”.
Speaking at the police headquarters to
journalists, the suspect said, “I am deeply
sorry for all that has happened, I did not
mean to do this. I saw myself falling in
love with her after the love charm prepared
for me. I have to confess because I know
by so doing, God will touch her mind and I
know she will forgive me. I suddenly found
that I was making love to mum when I
thought the charm will not work, and upon
the revelation I threatened to kill her and
the matter was reported to the police”, he
said.

Friday, September 26, 2014

Woman who 'died' of cancer wakes up in her grave

Police in northern Greece say they are
investigating reports that a woman woke up to
find herself buried in a coffin, only to die before
being rescued.
Several people visiting the cemetery, near
Thessaloniki, told police they had heard banging
and muffled shouting from inside the woman's
grave, an hour after her funeral on Thursday.
By the time the coffin was dug up, the woman, 45,
was found dead.
She had earlier been declared dead by doctors
treating her for cancer.
Her funeral was held at a cemetery in Peraia, a
small town 22km (16 miles) south of Thessaloniki,
Greece's main city in the north.
'Several tests'
Shortly after the last relatives left the cemetery,
residents and a group of children playing outside
reportedly heard a female voice shouting for help
from inside the grave.
They called the police, and began digging up the
grave to save her but she had suffocated to death
inside the coffin, Greek media reported.
However, a doctor who was at the scene and
examined the woman's body, said she had been
dead for hours and could not have been revived.
"I just don't believe it," Chrissi Matsikoudi told the
Greek television channel MEGA.
"We did several tests including one for heart failure
on the body," she said.
It would have been impossible for "someone in a
state of rigor mortis to have been shouting and
hitting the coffin like that," she added.
A coroner is expected to examine the body.
Meanwhile, relatives of the dead woman say they
are considering filing a complaint against the
doctors responsible for her treatment at the cancer
clinic.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Presidency bungled fresh attempts to free Chibok girls

Presidency bungled fresh attempt to free Chibok
girls...Why did the high level negotiations
between the Nigerian government team
and Boko Haram insurgents, led by a
former Minister of Information, Edwin
Clark, to secure the release of 220 Chibok
girls, crumble shortly before the Muslim
Sallah holidays in Yola last July?
Knowledgeable sources to the
negotiations, speaking to PREMIUM TIMES
in Abuja, Yola, and Geneva, have offered
rare insights into talks that have come
closest yet to secure freedom for the
abducted girls, and relieve President
Goodluck Jonathan of perhaps the worst
nightmares of his administration.
But the government bungled the process
with its unnecessary exuberant display of
enthusiasm and excessive show of force,
insiders in the talks say.
Parties to the talks have refrained thus far
from sharing thoughts on their
negotiations because as some of them told
this newspaper, “we all agreed to
maintain a code of silence as a way of
helping push the difficult process to a
fruitful resolution and helping this
country heal from the pains of this
insurgency.”
It was the story of a 30-day intense and
often dramatic negotiations that could
have changed the history of the nation,
involving two notable Nigerian civil rights
leaders, Fred Eno, and Shehu Sani, along
with Maiduguri-based lawyer, Mustapha
Zanna, and PDP chieftain, Kaka Bolori,
along with three top officials of the
International Red Cross headquarters
office in Geneva which served as the
“interface” negotiators, and two field
captains of the Boko Haram sect.
In terse responses to PREMIUM TIMES
reporting on their negotiations, however,
some of our sources have responded to
confirm or deny aspects of questions
posed to them, although it appears there
is unanimity in their perception as to why
the Clark Talks finally failed.
“It boils down, basically, to three key
issues: inflexibility and lack of realism on
the part of the insurgent forces; lack of
support for a negotiated settlement to the
insurgency on the part of security forces;
and what appears to be government’s
acceptance that the security forces were
right,” highly placed officials close to the
negotiation told PREMIUM TIMES.
Yola: The Elusive Prize:
There also appears to be agreement
among most of the parties to the
negotiation that the “Yola debacle” was
the decisive point of failure in the talks.
After weeks of tough negotiations, the
two sides finally accepted to what
famously came to be dubbed the
“prisoner swap” of the Chibok girls with
some commanders of the Boko Haram
fighting forces.
Insiders to the talk paid homage to Mr.
Edwin Clark’s wisdom and staying power,
saying he was deft at keeping sometimes
difficult claims in perspective as the
meetings wobbled on and on between
contentious positions of both sides.
On prisoner swap for instance, our
sources say, the insurgents were “initially
modest in their demands, asking for just
10 of their field captains who appear to
have a holding grip on the imagination of
the fighting forces.” At this time, this was
against the whole abducted girls.
While the security forces were combing
detention centres,shopping for the 10
detainees, our sources say something
strange happened, suggesting internal
struggles in the camp of the insurgency
forces. Our sources understood the
“happening” to be a factional
disagreement on the ethnic composition
of the 10 names tabled for the swap.
“They were all of Kanuri nationality and it
appeared the Hausa/Fulani faction
protested this.”
The result of this disagreement was about
one week delay in the negotiations after
which a “new list of 15 was tabled, and
then it was increased to 16”.
The ICRC was then working with security
forces to identify the names on the list. In
this period, it wasn’t clear if security
forces had all the names in demand, a
situation that triggered a new frustration
in the talks, according to our sources.
Were they never captured or were they
killed in battle or extra-judicially?
This development, according to one of
our sources, led discussions along a
frozen path. “We almost lost ten days
again to this but after a meeting at the
Kuje prisons, near Abuja, where Mustapha
Umar, one of the commanders on the list
was held, the government team saw a
new ray of hope.”
However, distrust was now building and
the team of two Boko Haram negotiators
switched the terms of demand from 16
sect commanders for all the girls, to only
30 girls.
But Mr. Clark, according to our sources,
told them there was no realism in their
demands and that if they so cherished
their compatriots, the smartest deal for
them was to release all the girls. At any
rate, Mr. Clark reportedly argued that
such a deal would put President Jonathan
at the butt of a new wave of criticism and
provide fodder for the opposition. So this
was not acceptable, he reportedly
insisted.
“Swap is not our idea but the idea of the
government,“ the Boko Haram negotiators
initially argued, trying to insist on the
high road, but they later deferred to the
age of Mr. Clark, according to our sources.
> At this point also, the ICRC team
clarified the terms of their engagement,
insisting that before the swaps, they
would need clear commitments from the
abducted girls and the detained fighters.
“Prisoners and the girls must offer
consent before the deal can be closed”
ICRC insisted. To get the consent of the
girls the ICRC said they were prepared to
risk going into the enclave of the
insurgency.
The Boko Haram negotiators reportedly
said they were comfortable with this, and
that it will also help “dispel the claims
that the girls were being maltreated or
that they have been forced into marriage
which will shock many people when the
girls return.”
With the Abuja negotiations sealed, Yola,
the Adamawa state capital, was agreed as
the point of swap. Government
negotiators favoured a discreet
arrangement where they would sneak into
Yola, the Red Cross would take custody of
the girls, and in turn yield the Boko
Haram detainees to them and conclude
the swap.
The management of the Yola episode,
according to our sources, put paid to the
whole arrangement. The government, in
an exuberant show of enthusiasm
chartered a Boeing 737 jet to convey the
girls to Abuja from Yola. What was
thought to be a discreet arrangement
turned into a fantasia and loud orchestra
show. Moreover, “when we arrived Yola,
half of the airport was covered with
security forces” noted one of the insiders
to the deal.
“Then they moved negotiators to the
presidential lounge for a two-hour wait…
then 48 hours in the hotel…but Yola had
been infiltrated by these people and the
security presence sent a wrong signal…
clearly these people didn’t trust the
arrangement and they never showed up.”
When contacted Wednesday, some of the
principal actors in the collapsed
negotiation declined to provide details,
saying it’s still premature to divulge
“sensitive details”.
“The whole thing is unfortunate, but
hopefully we can revive the negotiations,”
one of the negotiators, Fred Eno, told
PREMIUM TIMES. “The president
desperately wanted the girls released, but
politics of positioning stood in the way of
progress.”
The President of the Kaduna-based Civil
Rights Congress, Shehu Sani, insisted he
was not comfortable discussing the matter
at this time, suggesting that it was
irrelevant talking about what worked and
what didn’t work at least until the girls
are rescued.
Mr. Clark did not answer or return calls
made to his telephone on Thursday
morning. He also did not respond to a
text message sent to him.
Benoit Matsha-Carpentier, the Senior
Media Officer for the International
Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent
Societies, was also unavailable Thursday
morning. He is yet to return calls made to
him.
Spokespersons for the Nigerian
presidency were also unavailable to
provide insight regarding why the
administration acted the way it did in the
final minutes of the negotiation. Reuben
Abati, the Special Adviser to the President
on Media and Publicity, as well as Doyin
Okupe, the senior special assistant on
Public Affairs, didn’t answer or return
calls Thursday morning.
The over 200 girls, mostly teenagers, were
kidnapped from their secondary school in
Chibok, Borno State, on April 14.

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Blood of survivors of Ebola now black market hotcake

Ebola outbreak: Black market for blood of
survivors emerging as virus spreads
World Health Organisation says
demand for experimental serum is
growing
By LINDSEY BEVER
Ebola has infected nearly 4,800 people. It
has killed more than 2,400. And a black
market for the blood of its survivors is
emerging in the epicenter of the outbreak
in West Africa, according to the World
Health Organisation (WHO).
Convalescent serum — serum collected
from someone who has survived an
infectious disease — has been used to
treat Ebola victims. Most recently, it was
given to 51-year-old American aid worker
Rick Sacra from survivor Kent Brantly.
Blood from Ebola survivors is rich with
antibodies against the deadly virus, and
since there is currently no approved drug
to fight it, some have become desperate
enough to take fate into their own hands
and turn to the black market for the
experimental serum.
But WHO is concerned about the illicit
trade, since giving a patient someone
else’s blood can cause anaphylactic shock
and death or infect with other diseases
such as HIV if the blood is tainted. For
that reason, the United Nations health
agency said it will work with governments
to stamp out the black market, WHO
Director-General Margaret Chan said, and
establish a safe system for collecting,
storing and re-injecting blood.
Read more: Survivor's blood may be
used in new treatments
The black market also has some worried
about the fate of supplies shipped in from
the outside. On Tuesday, as President
Obama was set to announce a 3,000-troop
commitment to Africa, Laurie Garrett,
senior fellow for global health at the
Council for Foreign Relations, told the Hill
she was concerned the airdropped
supplies might turn up on the black
market. Officials did not say in which
country the black market was found.
No medication has been approved or is
readily available to treat Ebola, though an
experimental treatment called ZMapp was
used on Brantly and Nancy Writebol. For
now, patients are given intravenous
fluids, antibiotics and blood transfusions
to help their immune systems fight back.
“We are supporting use of whole blood
and convalescent serum to manage Ebola
virus disease in the West African Ebola
outbreak,” WHO spokesman Margaret
Harris said. “Whole blood has already
been used in a number of centers.”
It’s unclear how successful convalescent
serum has been in treating Ebola, but
with close to half of its victims still alive,
the potential pool of donors is substantial.
In addition to WHO’s work, doctors at
Emory University Hospital in Atlanta and
Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha are
building a registry of survivors by blood
type to help future victims, Bloomberg
said. And the U.S. National Institute of
Health is working on a vaccine.
© Washington Post

Monday, September 15, 2014

Hope for the hopeless

Teenager from India invents device
that can convert breath to speech
A high school student from India has invented a
device that can convert a person’s breath into
speech, to give millions of people around the
world suffering from speech impediment a 'voice'
for the first time.
Image: Arsh Shah Dilbagi
Sixteen-year-old Arsh Shah Dilbagi has developed
a new technology called ‘TALK’, which is a cheap
and portable device to help people who are
physically incapable of speaking express
themselves. Right now, 1.4 percent of the world’s
population has very limited or no speech, due to
conditions such as Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis
(ALS), locked-in syndrome (LIS), Encephalopathy
(SEM), Parkinson’s disease, and paralysis. So
that's literally a group of people that could match
the entire population of Germany, and all of them
unable to speak.
Stephen Hawking has a device to help him
communicate, but it's extremely expensive,
costing several thousand dollars, and is also quite
bulky. What Dilbagi has managed to do is invent
a device that achieves the same thing, but can be
purchased for just $80.
The way TALK works is that it’s able to translate
the user’s breath into electric signals using a
special device called a MEMS Microphone . This
technology is composed of a pressure-sensitive
diaphragm etched directly into a silicon chip, and
an amplifying device to increase the sound of the
user’s breath.
By expelling two types of breaths into the device,
with different intensities and timing, the user is
able to spell out words in Morse code. "A
microprocessor then interprets the breathes into
dots and dashes, converting them into words. The
words are then sent to a second microprocessor
that synthesises them into voice,” says Whitney
Mallett at Motherboard. "The morse code can
either be translated into English, or specific
commands and phrases. The device features nine
different voices varying in age and gender."
People who do not have a means of properly
expressing themselves, like those living with
speech disorders, experience a lower than
average life expectancy because of it. Dilbagi’s
aim for this device is to give millions of people
like this a 'voice' for the first time.
"After testing the final design with myself and
friends and family, I was able to arrange a
meeting with the Head of Neurology at Sir Ganga
Ram Hospital, New Delhi and tested TALK (under
supervision of doctor and in controlled
environment) with a person suffering from SEM
and Parkinson's Disease," Dilbagi reports . "The
person was able to give two distinguishable
signals using his breath and the device worked
perfectly.”
TALK was developed by Dilbagi as part of
Google’s Global Science Fair, which is a
competion that’s open to 13 to 18-year-olds from
anywhere in the world. Dilbagi is the only finalist
left from Asia. Here he is talking about his device

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Man who killed his girlfriend's dog and fed it to her arrested


A man who allegedly cooked his
girlfriend’s dog and fed it to her before
returning the pet’s dismembered paws
has been arrested in California.
Ryan Eddy Watenpaugh, 34, denies killing
the woman’s Pomeranian, called Bear,
and claimed the incident was a joke but
could not explain where the missing dog
was.
She had called the police previously
reporting domestic violence and stalking,
saying she fled her apartment in Redding
when Watenpaugh assaulted her on 4
August and found him and Bear gone
when she returned.
In the first week of September, the couple
briefly reconciled and Watenpaugh
cooked his girlfriend a meal containing
meat.
Days afterwards, on 7 September, he
texted her asking how her dog tasted,
claiming it was in the meal, Redding
Police Department said.
Watenpaugh then sent a series of
“menacing” text messages outlining his
plans for the animal’s remains, including
returning its paws to his girlfriend.
A Pomeranian (not the dog involved)
On Tuesday, she saw him pull up outside
her house and put a bag outside her door
before walking away.
When the woman, who has not been
named, opened it, she found what she
believed to be her dog’s paws.
She called police that day, detailing
alleged abuse by Watenpaugh including
numerous physical assaults over several
months leaving bruises and cuts.
On two occasions she tried to escape
during the attacks, police said, but was
held against her will by her boyfriend.
When officers searched his house, they
found a Romanian AK-47 assault rifle and
multiple rounds of ammunition.
Following a surveillance operation, he
was arrested on Thursday while driving in
the nearby village of Palo Cedro.
Watenpaugh is being held in Shasta
County Jail, Redding, on charges of animal
cruelty, domestic violence, false
imprisonment and stalking.
Redding Police Department said his bail
had been set at $250 million (£154
million) and additional charges will be
brought for alleged firearms offences.
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Love... Go for it

“I love love,” our boss
said to Sam and me. “But
you have to keep it out of
the office, O.K.?”
I looked at the floor and
nodded vigorously, my cheeks growing
hot. What could have made him say
that? All we’d done was giggle a few
times during an intern meeting.
I tried to laugh it off, but inside I was
fuming. How dare he use the word
“love” with us? What surer way to kill
a summer fling, or whatever this was,
than to call it love?
Love was the furthest thing from my
mind. After my first year at Yale, I had
landed this summer internship at a
lobbying organization in Washington,
not far from where I had grown up,
thinking I would live at home.
But soon I was spending nights at
Sam’s and telling my parents I was
staying with friends. A fellow intern, he
had just finished his junior year at the
University of Iowa.
After a few weeks, I asked him, “Are
you going to hook up with other
people?”
“Why, do you not want me to?”
“Not if you want to hook up with me.”
He seemed to consider that for a
moment. “O.K. then, I won’t.”
And the matter was settled in what I
considered a personal triumph, as I had
been long on angst and short on
assertiveness during my first year of
college. When Sam took me to dinner
at a fancy restaurant in Georgetown, I
realized it was my first real date, ever.
I liked it. And I liked him, probably too
much. We had instant physical
chemistry, and his old-fashioned values
combined with just enough frat-guy
attitude to keep me interested.
Our almost diametrically opposed
political views made for intense
arguments. He opened up to me in the
mornings, over egg and cheese
sandwiches, about the girls who had
messed with his head, and I told him
about my past year of partying and bad
judgment with men, even if I didn’t
really regret any of it.
With Sam I wanted to be the fun girl,
the one who didn’t care if a guy ever
spoke to her again after one night. I
tried not to care that he would be
leaving at summer’s end to return to
college, and that I still had three years
of school left. I didn’t ask if he thought
we could make it long distance because
I didn’t want to ruin what little time
we had left.
He took care of that worry when he
stopped calling or asking me to sleep
over. And I said nothing. After all, he
didn’t owe me anything. He said he
wouldn’t be with anyone else while he
was with me, but that didn’t mean he
wouldn’t stop being with me.
One night I went out dancing in the
Adams Morgan neighborhood of
Washington, had one too many tequila
shots and kissed a stranger on the
dance floor. Afterward, I went to Sam’s
apartment and pounded on the door,
waking him.
He stood there in his boxers with cold
eyes, as if he couldn’t remember who I
was.
“I kissed another guy at the club,” I
said, sobbing. “Don’t be mad.” What I
really meant was: Please be mad.
His mouth twisted. “I don’t care. Just
come to bed.”
And we lay there in the dark, on the
rickety futon in the living room, facing
away from each other, trying not to
touch.
The next time I saw him outside of the
office was to get a bottle of shampoo
back from his apartment. I didn’t really
need the shampoo, but I needed
something. So I offered him a ride to
the airport for his flight home in a few
days, which he surprisingly accepted.
That morning we loaded his suitcase
into the trunk of my car and I silently
drove over the bridge to Virginia, my
heart racing. There was so much I
wanted to say, and I was running out of
time.
Just before we pulled up to the
departure area, I choked out, “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why didn’t you want to be with me
these last few weeks?”
I don’t know if he turned to look at me;
I was gripping the wheel, my eyes
focused ahead.
He sighed. “I guess I just figured, what
was the point?” he said. “I knew I was
leaving.”
I had no response. And with that, he
got out of the car, walked away and
boarded his flight.
I tried to forget. All through a cruise to
Alaska with my family, the start of my
sophomore year and the parties and
guys that came along with it, I tried to
forget. But I couldn’t.
At the end of September, I was in a car
accident on the way back to school
from a trip home. My car crossed five
lanes of traffic, bounced off the
guardrail and crossed the same five
lanes back to the other side, where it
finally came to rest. Somehow,
miraculously, not a single car hit me.
When I got back to campus, I crawled
into bed and stayed there, shaking, for
hours, refusing visitors. Instead, I
opened my laptop and gave in to the
urge to contact Sam. I instant-messaged
him to say I had been in a car accident,
knowing he’d have to respond.
And he did. And we talked, first about
the accident, then over the next few
days about other things. And soon,
before I knew it, we were what I
suppose you would call friends.
He was different from how he had
been in Washington — lighter, warmer,
funnier. Happier. And with half a
country between us, I was able to get
beyond my fake fun-girl persona.
When I couldn’t sleep, I spun out long
fantasies of us getting back together
and having a long-distance relationship,
fantasies I told to no one. But my
friends knew about us, and they were
concerned that I stayed home to talk to
him instead of going out.
In November I discovered we were
both attending the same one-day
conference in Boston, and I began to
obsess over seeing him there. My friend
who drove me up from Yale asked
what I wanted from Sam, and I couldn’t
answer.
For most of the day, Sam and I just
glanced at each other across crowded
rooms, and we only had time for a brief
hello. The 10 hours passed quickly, and
it was almost time to leave. But I was
panicking. It was too anticlimactic.
There was no way this was how the day
would end — it just couldn’t, not this
time.
I told Sam I needed to talk to him, and
he followed me into an empty hallway.
He stood there patiently for what he
must have thought would be some kind
of dramatic speech. But once again I
couldn’t find the words for what I
wanted, so instead I stood on my toes,
looked up and kissed him hard on the
mouth. And he kissed me back.
I broke away, out of breath, not able to
hide my smile. He looked surprised and
smiled, too.
“I have to go,” I said. I don’t remember
what he said because I was running to
catch my bus, and then I was sitting
and staring out the window in a daze
the whole way home.
The next time we spoke, I gave him an
ultimatum: “Tell me how you feel
about me, or I’m moving on.” And he
said, “There’s a letter on the way.”
I checked my mailbox three, four times
a day during final exams until, on the
last day before break, when it still
hadn’t arrived, I begged him to email
it. He initially refused but relented
when I reminded him that I was about
to leave the country for several weeks.
When it came, it was an old-fashioned
love letter of the most glorious kind.
All the things I had hoped he would say
were there on the page. How he loved
me and didn’t want me to be with
anyone else. But wrapped around those
beautiful new words was the familiar
refrain: “I’m far away” and “I don’t
know if I want a long-distance
relationship.”
I didn’t know whether to be elated or
devastated.
This time I was not going to let it stand.
The girl who kissed him in that hallway
wasn’t going to give up. I called him
and said: “No, it doesn’t work that way.
You get to have me, or you have to give
me up.”
And yet he still would not commit. He
said he wouldn’t be the one to define
us and that he was ambivalent about a
relationship.
But I wasn’t. So I took the leap for both
of us. “Let’s do it,” I said. “We can do
it.”
“O.K.,” he said, uncertainly.
We called and chatted online. We
boarded planes. We did whatever it
took to make it work, until the distance
between us closed.
And here we are, still doing it, 10 years,
one wedding and one child later.