My husband goes to the market himself

My husband goes to the market
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .