Inaccurate Genotype Result,
Cause Of My Ordeal
The pain and helplessness of taking care
of a perpetually sick child has made
genotype tests compulsory for intending
couples in some religious groups. This is
to avert giving birth to children that will
not only come to suffer but also be a
source of heartache to their parents and
loved ones. But what happens when a
renowned hospital makes a mistake that
becomes the cause of such an ordeal?
ZION ZADOK, Abuja, writes
Edward Kanu, an Abuja-based business
man related his ordeal to LEADERSHIP
Sunday on how he was given the wrong
genotype result by a renowned hospital in,
Abuja which led to the birth of his son who
suffers from sickle cell disease.
Mr Kanu said he returned to Nigeria from
Europe where he had lived for about five
years in 2006 with the intention of getting
married.
He said three months into their
relationship, his fiancée then who is a
nurse, insisted he must produce his
genotype results before they proceeded
with their marriage plans because she is
AS, a carrier of sickle cell and so wanted
to be sure he is not a carrier and avoid
giving birth to a child with sickle cell
anaemia.
He said he went to the hospital laboratory,
paid N300 for the genotype test and his
blood sample was collected; the test was
run on him and after about 20-25 minutes,
the result came out and the laboratory
gave Kanu his HB report: AA.
He said with that result, there was no
other obstacle to their getting married and
so they went ahead with the wedding.
Mr Kanu said he was happy to take home
his wife and they lived happily for nine
months but trouble started when she gave
birth to their first child and discovered that
the baby has sickle cell disease. At first,
they doubted the possibility given that his
genotype is AA even though his wife’s is
AS. So, at that point, they were asked to
go for a second test and when it was
conducted, the result showed that he did
not only have AS genotype but was also a
carrier of sickle cell gene like his wife. The
second test was conducted first at a
Military Hospital in Yaba-Lagos which has
good test equipment. From there, he went
to Echo Scan and finally, National Hospital,
both in Abuja and all the results showed
AS.
At that point, he discovered that he had
been given a wrong genotype result by the
general hospital where he first conducted
the test shortly before his wedding.
To seek redress, Mr Kanu filed a N300
million suit against the hospital in 2007 for
the emotional trauma the hospital’s
incompetency, inaccuracy, human error
and inefficient machines have caused him.
Kanu lost the first case at Abuja High Court
II as the court dismissed the case, saying
it was too late to sue. The presiding Judge
ruled that the time limit on genotype
issues is three months whereas it takes at
least about nine months after the
consummation of a marriage to determine
the birth of a child and even at that, the
child was not diagnosed with SS on the
day he was born and so the three months
provision by the court is not realistic in
this case.
Following the ruling of the previous court,
Mr Edwards Kanu appealed against the
case at the Appeal Court also in Abuja and
on Thursday December 11, 2014, the
Appeal Court granted that the case be
revisited and so the ruling of the High
Court was overturned.
Mr Kalu said the whole issue was not only
about going to court and winning a case
but about working towards breaking the
cycle of sickle cell anaemia in Nigeria
because in the cause of their going in and
out of the hospital to save his son, he
interacted with other people whose
children were also diagnosed with sickle
cell disease. He also discovered that most
of the cases were as a result of wrong
genotype results and inefficiency on the
side of the laboratory equipment in some
hospitals and human error too.
Mr Kalu has since reported the issue to the
Association of Medical Laboratory
Scientists of Nigeria as well as so many
sickle cell foundations. He said he was
going to report the case to the World
Health Organisation because something
must be done to break the cycle of sickle
cell anaemia in Nigeria and viable
equipment for carrying out tests on people
must be provided.
He said change would only start by getting
hospital laboratories to function better and
use the right equipment and chemicals in
carrying out their tests.
Mr Kanu lamented that taking care of a
sickle cell patient was not an easy task for
he and his wife. He said since his son,
Okwuchukwu Joseph Kanu was born, they
were always in hospital. In the last
incident, he said Joseph had to be given
about three pints of blood to resuscitate
him adding that they have spent a lot
money on medications and hospital bills.
Joseph’s sickly nature has not only
tampered on his health but also his
education as he is said to be out of school
because after taking too many injections, it
affected his hip bone and he now limps.
The family said they were making efforts to
see him get well and return to school.
Kanu confirmed that Joseph at seven has
only concluded his nursery school and
waiting to start primary one.
He said he and his wife are quite unhappy
about the situation because what they were
trying to avoid has caught up with them
and that if they were properly informed,
they would have separated amicably to
avoid the pain of having a child with sickle
cell anaemia. He said as a result of the
challenges, they had to stop put
procreation on hold after the birth of their
second son, Godswill, who miraculously
was born with AA genotype.
According to them, they had to stop
having more children because the thought
of giving birth to another child who may
suffer the same ailment was very
unbearable.
Mr Kanu has not stopped looking for a
solution for his son’s wellbeing as he said
they now are at the point of going for a
bone marrow transplant for their son.
Luckily, it was discovered that his younger
brother could be a possible donor, so it
won’t cost much to get a bone marrow but
would cost much to get their son to the
hospital in Italy where the transplant would
be done.
He said they are currently faced with a
whole lot of financial problems but hoping
that soon they would be able to raise
money for the costly operation. The
transplant, they were told, costs about
$45,000 (about N8.5m) which excludes
transportation and accommodation.
When LEADERSHIP Sunday tried to reach
the first hospital that handled the test for
comments, it was told that the laboratory
staff were not available due to the ongoing
strike of health workers.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Saturday, December 20, 2014
My husband goes to the market himself
My husband goes to the market
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
My husband goes to the market himself
My husband goes to the market
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
My husband goes to the market himself
My husband goes to the market
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
My husband goes to the market himself
My husband goes to the market
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
My husband goes to the market himself
My husband goes to the market
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
My husband goes to the market himself
My husband goes to the market
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
My husband goes to the market himself
My husband goes to the market
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
himself.
Please help me out
of this problem I am experiencing with my
husband of eight months . When we were
dating it wasn ’ t so much of a problem to
me. But , since we got married, it has
become a major issue in our marriage
which could lead to the collapse of our
union if care is not taken .
I am forced to ask for your help because
attempts to resolve the issue on my own is
putting my marriage under severe pressure,
as my husband has stubbornly refused to
see things from my perspective . He thinks I
am making a mountain out of an ant hill .
Agatha , even when I am in the car with him,
he insists on buying things himself in the
market . He goes to the market himself to
get whatever we need at home. Even when I
tell him , what I need as a woman in my
kitchen , he buys what he wants.
I have tried to explain to him that he should
allow me run that department of our
marriage , that it is my duty to go to the
market and manage my kitchen , he refuses .
Even when I use my money to buy food
items when we run out of certain items, he
complains that they are expensive even
when the ones he buys are more
expensive .
Even if I don ’ t like the quality of the things
he buys , I have to use them because I
don’ t have a choice to buy what I want . It is
all so frustrating as he appears so set in
this habit of his . I tried getting his best
friend to talk to him , rather than achieve the
result I want, he took it as an offence. So , I
have learnt to allow him be but , it isn ’ t
good for our marriage at all .
I truly am tired of it all , the constant
arguments about this. I don ’ t know if he is
stingy or just being himself but I was
brought up with the knowledge that men
provide their wives with house -keeping
money and that it was the responsibility of
the woman to go to the market and buy
stuff for her kitchen .
Much as I love my husband, this is a
situation that I know deep within me I
cannot cope with . I grew up with a father
who didn’ t bother himself with my mother ’ s
kitchen .
I ’ m so confused . Please help me before I
do something I will forever regret.
Alexandra.
Dear Alexandra ,
First and foremost , don’ t try to pattern your
marriage after that of your parents , else you
will end up getting hurt, disillusioned and
extremely bitter at the choices you made in
marrying your husband.
Even though they are your parents , you are
an individual in your right, hence subject to
your own choices . In addition, your
husband is different from your father . Like
you, he has his reasons for doing things
his own way . His upbringing and yours are
clearly different. So trying to cast him into
the same mold as your father would further
create disaffection between the two of you.
Besides , every marriage comes with its sets
of problems . Ask your parents , they would
tell you that they are still struggling with
some issues too despite the number of
years they have lived together. Challenges
will always come and go in marriages but it
depends on the willingness and ability of
the couple to manage such situations
effectively.
Also the attitude we develop towards a
problem, more often than not , influences
how we handle the issue, which is another
reason you have to rid yourself of all the
negative thoughts you are having about
your marriage and husband .
Like our faces , our challenges are different
and its magnitude is how we define it . This
is why one partner will overlook the
shortcomings of the other , by focusing on
the good aspects of the marriage , and
another cave in at the sight of a trouble .
As long as you are determined to make this
marriage work at all cost , there is nothing
much to what is happening in your home.
The simple solution is to develop the right
attitude to your husband’ s habit . If it makes
him happy going to the market , why not
relax and save yourself the stress of
managing meager housekeeping money?
Obviously he enjoys what most men won ’ t
do, even if offered all the money in the
world. So , what is your problem? As long
as there is food on your table , let him do all
the buying .
As for those things , you want in your
kitchen that he isn ’ t buying ; those you can
go and get on your own , not only to satisfy
your own craving for those things but to
give you the feel of the market scene you
apparently wish for desperately .
As long as you understand each other ,
there is no reason for you to feel bad. You
are lucky ; he is just buying and not
measuring the food items out for you. If
some women can cope with men who daily
instruct them on the measure of food to
cook for the family , without collapsing their
marriages , then you have no reason not to
succeed in yours.
To achieve a good marriage requires a lot
of tolerance, sacrifice, patience, wisdom and
compromises . The question is : How does
his going to market affect the quality of
your marriage or your relationship with him
for that matter? Really , there is no law
preventing a man from shopping for his
family . It actually saves the woman a lot of
complaints about house -keeping allowances
not being enough , especially when the man
expects the woman to become a magician
by cooking him meals his money cannot
buy.
Honestly , if you shift grounds and look at
the positive side of all these , you won ’ t
have any need to feel so bad anymore .
Also, your presentation of the issue maybe
one reason your husband appears adamant
on. If you are demanding it as your right
and using the example of your parents as
yardstick , you may not go far . In fact , that
may further make him very recalcitrant on
the matter. So pretend it doesn ’ t bother
you at all by changing your approach .
When next he does the shopping ,
compliment him for his efforts by telling
him you are lucky to have him for a
husband. Even when you feel he has been
cheated in the market , keep your thoughts
to yourself and instead focus on the act and
not the thoughts you think he has of going
to the market himself .
If this is the price you have to pay for peace
in your home, please do it. The naked truth
is , another woman would jump at the
opportunity of having her husband go to the
market himself to save herself the headache
of haggling endlessly in the market . You
and I know that the money for
housekeeping is never enough. Most
women supplement what they get from their
husbands . You don’ t have that worry as it
is . Unlike most of us who have to find ways
to augment , all you have to worry about is
simply to cook the meals and report to him
when the stock is depleting.
Also, a time would come in his life when he
would get tired and too embarrassed to be
doing the shopping . Until that time , relax
and enjoy this privilege while it lasts .
Since you didn’ t complain that he is
denying you of anything , it means he isn ’ t
stingy ; just a man who happens to enjoying
shopping just like some men enjoy cooking .
Focus more on his good points and stop
worry on the one thing you don ’ t like about
him. Frankly , there is nothing to what you
are complaining of. It will become
something of an issue if you refuse to let it
be . Perish this from your thoughts , to
enable you concentrate on knowing the
angel inside your husband, so as to reap
the goodness God planted in your marriage .
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